[athena.agathon]

I am a bad person.

I just broke up with someone. She was blindsided because a few days before we broke up, we had a lovey-dovey conversation where I basically lied about how I was feeling (making it seem like I was in love with her when I wasn't). I was drunk (now I'm reconsidering some things about my drinking habits), not that it's an excuse but it made it worse. At the time we had the conversation, I really believed that maybe it could work and I wanted it to. It's like I forgot all the things I was unsatisfied about.

She rightfully feels hurt and angry and that I lied to her.

I'm a horrible person. I should never, ever have let this get here. I should have been honest about how I was feeling from the beginning.

I should never let people get close to me like this. I'm toxic.

I really, really want to hurt myself and I'm having trouble thinking of reasons not to because I really deserve it.

[smmath]

I know right now it might be hard to believe, but you DO NOT deserve to be punished at all.You made a mistake, but we all make mistakes, and still no one deserves to hurt themselves. I am positive that even though you you hurt her, she still wouldn't want to hurt yourself. Maybe you can talk to her and explain that you were drinking and said some things that weren't true, but that you are really sorry for hurting her.

Some reasons why you shouldn't hurt yourself: no mistake you have made warrants you punishing yourself with SI; you didn't intentionally upset her; hurting yourself won't "fix" anything and make her feel any better.

please be gentle with yourself

[C.Oliver]

I agree, we all make mistakes. It is part of ALL human nature.

Hurting yourself won't make her feel better and it certainly won't make you feel better in the long run. It will only make you feel worse.

I hope you can hold out and not do it. We are here to support you in not SIing...

C and Oliver (my Service Dog)

[athena.agathon]

Hey, I didn't. Thanks, C and smmath.