Going back there - tablets

I hadn't done it in about 3 months. But yesterday's depression and anxiety was too much for me to cope with. I first took 1 Ativan and then another 2 after I couldn't feel anything
I was so fast asleep when my bf got home. It's morning my alarm went off but I carried on sleeping for another hour.
I feel stones. But exhausted. And want to be home

Why was i not strong enough to stand up against myself?

i'm sorry sugahorse. but just because you had a weak moment, doesn't mean all the time you had previously goes away. you've been doing great for three months! don't forget to keep congratulating yourself on that amazing achievement!
can you find the point in the escalation of depression and anxiety at which you would have been able to stop yourself? if you can identify what that point is, you might be able to stop yourself there in the future.
thanks for sharing. i often find that standing up to myself is exponentially more difficult than standing up to others!

Thanks Gretta. I really feel I was sabotaging. I feel weak for not standing up to myself. It's like I wanted to punish myself.
To make the emotional pain more physical

Sometimes your just so damn tired of having to fight it you need help and thank goodness for benzos.

I can't believe I have in to myself. 2 days afterwards I was a walking zombie. I was so irresponsible. I should have asked for help