[Christina86]

I know its strange but I miss it.

I could do it, and I know I wouldn't feel it - it wouldn't be relevant, important or useful.

Thats a good thing? Or is it bad?

I think me doing it would just make me feel worse... and I don't need that.

I'm trying to be good, trying not to think about it ... but I do. A lot of my "support network" are gone this upcoming schoolyear -- and that sucks. If I start again, whats to keep me from never stopping?

I was reading a book "Secret Scars" and all I could think was "This is not me". And I don't know how I feel about that. I feel like a fake - doing this for no purpose. I know there is a reason behind the behaviour, but I don't know what it is. I don't think I ever will.

Switching from one addiction to another isn't useful, but I'd give anything to give this up... my thoughts around alcohol are getting worse. But I can at least stop that. SIng on the other hand ... not so much.

Now I'm excusing myself. Crud.

I'm just confusing myself. But I've been good for a few weeks now, lets hope it continues.

[sniffles]

aww...*hugs pet*...i know the feeling all too well. i haven't si'd in 7 months, and there are times when i feel the desire to. its hard not to sometimes, when that was once such a comfort thing for me. at times i sit here, thinking, what if? what if i were to do it? would the feeling of comfort come back, and i'd continue doing it, or would i feel extreme guilt for starting something that i stopped so long ago? sometimes i just dont know what to do. i know i shouldnt do it. i know it hurts not only myself, but those around me who care about me. so i totally know where you are coming from. i'm here if you need to talk ok. please know that.
sniffles

[Christina86]

((((((sniffles)))))))

Thank YOU for understanding. I thought I was going a bit nuts ... just hard.

[ickydog2006]

Trust me... your not going nuts. And missing it doesn't seem strange to me.

I think sniffles summed up how I feel about it.

Basically, I miss it so much but never want to go back to that life.

I hope you don't go back

Good Luck

[Christina86]

Thanks (((ickydog)))

I hope I don't go back either ... but one day at a time right?

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( Christina )))))))))))))))))

[Christina86]

(((((Fuzzy)))))

Thank you dear Fuzzy. (I'm gonna need that this weekend ... long story)

[Sarah116]

Maybe the help of a Psychologist might be nice! A understanding person like a friend also helps but a Psychologist can basiclly tell things just by looking at you or from one word! I think you should considar it and who knows some therapy might go really far. Good luck and be careful!

[heartspace]

I haven't SId but I used to smoke. Smoking wasn't good for me, but I still miss it at times. I think I understand what you're feeling Christina. Hang in there.
(((Christina)))

[Christina86]

(((Sarah116)))

Thank you - Might look into a psychologist eventually -but first I need to restart therapy (stopped for the summmer)

((heartspace))

Thanks - Good comparison between "addictions"