Hello, old friend.

Soo I've not cut in about 1+ year now, and I've crashed into depression (bipolar) swiftly and suddenly.

I was out picking paint the other day and was triggered by some of the razors they keep there.

I'm in a dark place at the moment and while I know cutting isn't the way to go it is an option I've taken many times before in times such as these.

I need to pull myself together before this gets bad very quickly.

I can't go there. F**k. I'm screwed I think.

Take a deep breath. Does anyone else know about your past of SI? If so, contact them and let them know that the problem has resurfaced and you need help. Even if they can come talk to you for a while.

If you are not currently in therapy, get back into it. I don't think I have to tell you that once you start, it is going to be very difficult to stop again. Some triggers can be very powerful. There are a few things I stay away from, but some that I have inadvertantly run into that brought back strong urges.

Remember that part of what you are feeling is a ghost from the past. You don't have to go back there. You know it won't help. Even if you have to go into an inpatient therapy for a short time, it would be better than starting to cut again. Don't fall into that trap. You were strong enough to resist at some point and stop. That same strength still exists in you. Its a matter of finding it.

Sam2

My family knows my past with SI but I don't talk to them about it.

I can't go inpatient.

Not on medication, by choice. Don't go to therapy because I usually presented normally so the sessions would turn into social hours more than actual therapy.

They're all like "well your SI suggest borderline personality disorder, but i can spot those a million miles away, and you're not one." So they were befuzzled and just talked with me usually.

And you're right in every sense that this is a trap.