[Trackstar]

Okay so i haven't cut in about 3 months but as soon as i get stressed the thought is there and i find myself going towards my brothers pocket knife collection. I touch them and i hold them against my skin and then freak out start bawling and go lay in my room. I want to hurt myself so bad. I have finals this week and Finals=Stress. And i cant relapse it will hurt my boyfriend too much. So is there any way to get this thought to not be so prominent in my head?

[adam_k]

I think you should find something to help relieve stress if that is your trigger. Possible a hot shower or maybe some meditation. Being around people is another way to take your mind off it or at least limit the ease of doing it.

Try thinking about reason you don't want to cut, or try to think of your bf and how people close to you are hurt by it. That helped me for a long time fight the urges.

[grey_aj]

I can totally relate to this... whenever things feel too stressful or frustrating, I go and get my favorite tool and I just hold it. Knowing that the possibility of SI is so close is agonizing yet calming at the same time, if that makes any sense..?

Omg yes and finals bring the worst urges for me. Throw yourself into studying, that might help? That way you're productive and distracting yourself from SI.

I completely relate!

- AJ

[Sam2]

That is a tough position to be in. Does your brother know that you cut? If so, are you close enough to him to ask him to hide his knife collection for a bit?

The fact that you care about your boyfriend and don't want to hurt him by backsliding is something you can use to your advantage. When the urges get bad, think of him and how it will effect him. Devotion can be a powerful anti-trigger.

When I was cutting badly, I couldn't get away from sharp things. I work with them. At home though, if I found myself doing as you do, holding them, feeling mesmerized by them, I would give the item(s) to my friend to hold and hide. Sometimes that would help break the cycle.

Since what you are looking for is relief of stress, try some hard exercise. Jumpt rope for half an hour or as long as you can. Run or walk a fair distance as fast as you can. That will release some of the same endorphins that cutting does, and it may give you some relief.

Know that exams are temporary. They will come and go regardless of whether you cut or not. If you do cut, the wound and scar will last longer than the exam did!

I don't know how you feel about holistic things, but many people are helped with stress by learing to meditate or going to yoga classes. I know of two women who are doing that, they don't cut, but they do have some very heavy stress. They say that it really relaxes them, gets them out of the house for an hour or so, and teaches them ways of handling stress that are good instead of harmful.

Sam2