[Hopeful Camel]

Hi. I am new here. I'm not sure where to post or go for help. I am very suicidal at times, but recently I did something that I haven't done for some time: I cut and burned the word "s**t" over my heart. The last time I really cut myself was when I was about 35 years younger. Part of me is very depressed about ruining myself again, but another part of me thinks that the cutting helped keep me alive because it gave me some release. I lost an entire day [from about 9pm on Saturday until 4am on Monday I am unable to remember anything. My gf tells me that I was running around crazy, moving things around, destroying stuff, freaked out, and scared.] I'm not sure what is happening. I wanted to hurt myself on Monday [permanently] but G-d saved me and I am still here. I want to live. I went to the psychiatric provider where I live but they didn't have room to see me. I would love any thoughts, prayers, advice or things I should consider.
Hopeful Camel

[madmusican]

I don't really have much advice but just wanted you to know I had read your post and hoping things improve for you.

You have been really strong actually taking yourself to see a psychiatric professional, it is just a shame that they couldn't see you. Have you been back to see if they can see you, or are you able to call to make an appointment?

Do you try any distraction techniques when you feel the urge to hurt? Some of the things I try are making things so I have something to do with my hands; writing down the reasons i want to cut, reasons why i dont want to cut and what cutting will do to help me sometimes helps me get my thoughts in order and calm down the urges. also going for a walk or playing my piano. I know these don't work for everyone and they don't always work for me but they might help. Some people find vigorous exercise can help or drawing on yourself where you would harm helps to release without actually hurting yourself.

I do hope you are able to get the help you have tried to get.

Mad x

[turquoisesea]

Hi Camel, thoughts yes, prayers although I don't pray often - freely given

Can you join a waiting list to get professional help? Can you sign up for a therapist? Therapy over a longer period of time can be very helpful, and it also gives you one person who can watch your progress and who you can call if you need.

[redbandit]

Hugs camel. I will be praying for you. Plz talk to someone about this, u dont need to suffer