[tigersassy]

Yesterday my grandma pushed me into my rabbit hole that I try so desperately to avoid. I don't know if she did it on purpose or was accidental. Been kindda rough for a few weeks/months now. I've wanted desperately to SI but have refrained from major SI I've only hit, dug my nails into my palm, and pulled my hair. No blood no foul right? I feel a need to do more now that things with grandma happened like minimize food. But I don't think that'll be enough. Depression, anxiety, and possible borderline personality is making this even harder I just want a way to control my emotions when they run wild and the whole world goes wonky. I feel like Alice must have falling into the rabbit hole. Everything is wrong even when its right. Wish I coulc just sleep until therapy appt tomorrow with new therapist. Wish I could get my brain out of negative drive. Worst case scenarios rarely happen but that's where my mind has gone. I'm going to fight to stay right side up in this land of upside down. Can't give in to the urge.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((( tigersassy )))))))

Sometimes I imagine myself falling and falling forever down that hole... I am so sorry you are in so much pain. I want to tell you I relate, but I don't know if someone else can really relate to the pain another person is feeling...I guess maybe empathize is more accurate. I do know so much about what depression and anxiety feel like; they are my deep, dark, black rabbit hole. I am sorry I can't say much to help, but not doing so great myself. Stay strong.

[tigersassy]

$&!#(&#)*')*!((!%@& can't stand this feeling. Negative negative negative. I'm freaking out. Tomorrow please go better so I can make it to therapy ok and open things up. Going to make myself eat something since have only ate once today then bubble bath and sleep.

Hope you are feeling better and that therapy was helpful for you.

[tigersassy]

Therapy went ok. Like this t better. When I told her my history she didn't seem to be as reserved. Don't think I explained that right. Got another appt the 11th. Got homework too. But I have to wait until I'm in a decent mood to do it otherwise will be epic fail. Gotta go work now. Lets see how this goes.

[tigersassy]

2 1/2 years down the drain. Cut..... just a tiny slice. Papercut size. It felt good.... in a few hours I'll regret it I know.

[adam_k]

Try not to be so hard on yourself. It sounds like your are going through difficult times and trying your best to cope. Self harm does that, but only for a little while and then all of those old feelings come rushing back. I slipped up after 8 years and it is discouraging to say the least, but try to do your best. After all that is all we can do it get back up after we fall and try our best again.

[tigersassy]

Rough day. Really want to cut. Promised my mental health nurse wouldn't and if I felt like it was getting worse go to er. Think it might come to it. Have t appt tomorrow. Going to try to hold out. It's tough. I can do it though.

[helikesafullmoon]

stay strong you cutters, the bad feelings afterword aren't worth the small gratification of the immediate self punishment you get.

[jadedbutterfly]

Originally Posted by helikesafullmoon

stay strong you cutters, the bad feelings afterword aren't worth the small gratification of the immediate self punishment you get.

Very true!