(Can be triggering) Just need to vent!

My fiancée and I got into a fight yesterday. We fight a lot and sometimes it makes me feel like I'm worthless and like no one cares. But yesterday was different. He was saying he felt like killing himself because he was depressed and felt like no one cared about him and that no one would care if he did. I wanted so bad to tell him and show him I do care and that no matter what happens between us I will always love him and care, but no matter what I would say or do, he wouldn't believe me. I told him if I make him that miserable I would rather us not be together than for him to kill himself. So he said he was going to leave. I stepped in front of him and he pushed me and got pissed and almost left. At that moment I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to cut myself so bad that I couldn't hold out anymore. I grabbed one of his knifes and cut my thigh 5 times. It was so bad I had to go to the hospital and have them sewn back up. Now I have a LOT of stiches for the next 12 days and I'm in very severe pain. All because I decided to be stupid I will never cut again!

I'm sorry that all went down. sounds like it's really intense on both sides... (hugs)

thanks... I feel so stupid now though

It was the best you could do in the moment. Beating yourself up over It won't do anything. (Hugs)

everyone is treating me like I'm crazy and I can't take it much longer

I just want someone to love me for me and be there for me and not hurt me. I guess ill never have that though. I feel so sick and tired physically and emotionally and I just want to sleep and cry all the time. sometimes I wonder why I was even put on this earth.there has to be more to life than abuse, heartbreak and disappointment. all I am is a mistake. always have been and that's all I ever will be

You deserve someone to treat You right....You were put on this earth for a reason.so was I....I know there has to be more in life than abuse,rejection,heartbreak and punishing ourselves.....perhaps we feel we don't deserve to be happy,that wYou e deserve the punishment and abuse......I'm not here by mistake,neither are You.......Please try to be strong......I used to think I was a mistake,wish I was aborted,but person the abuse we endured made us stronger whether we realize it or not......YOU ARE NOT A MISTAKE,YOU ARE A MIRACLE TO OTHERS.....I KNOW its hard to believe,its hard for me to believe it about myself......Were here for a reason......your a friend,your a friend to me and I am grateful for that,always,Dave

thanks. :/