Total control

Hey everyone. I'm new in case no one saw my introduction, just wanted to say hey. One of the things that plays on my mind quite a lot is the fact that I am in a 3 year relationship with my girlfriend, who despite having some experience with self harm herself, is extremely controlling and difficult to live with. I increasingly find myself wishing we weren't together, regardless of how much I love her, just because I wish that I could be free to selfharm the way I used to. Now I put myself in extreme emotional and mental turmoil with every little scratch which in turn leads me to have great periods of selfharm free time but when I do selfharm find myself needing stitches and hospitalization, whereas when I am free to harm as and when I want, I seem to desire it a little more and feel like I have more control over the depth of my wounds.

I dont know, but there have been many people telling me to leave my partner, including family and mental health professionals. I guess im just wondering if any one else has experienced anythinf like this and what you would do or have done if so? You should know that if I was to leave my partner I would be left homeless and completely penniless as she is in control of all finances etc. And she wouldnt let me leave easily, so would it be worth it for something that might not even help or even possibly worsen my self injuring or should I just stick by and try to deal?

Sorry for the rant, it just feels like recently everything in my life is a big question mark and a big decision and im not good at decision making..

I don't know how you could be in a good state of mind and be in a controlling relationship. I think to some extent relationships limit our freedoms and we have some type of accountability. I wouldn't come home drunk at 3 am and expect it to not he a big deal. But if it is too controlling it makes you feel less like you have rights or even that you are a person if you are controlled to the point where you question every action in response to how you think your partner will respond.

I don't think leaving to feel your need for self harm is wise. I would try to build some type of support system so you can he safe. As well as finding a home or place to go. Living on the streets may not be the ideal thing for mental health either.

Try to keep with your therapy and get yourself in a good place to handle it. Try to reason with your controlling partner and find some healthy ground.