[madmusican]

Lots of thing going on at the moment. Struggling to stay focused on anything. Big event at work on Wednesday that I am organising and people letting me down at the last minute. Lots of other things going on too which I am trying to keep separate from my work but struggling throughout the day. One minute I am up, the next I can fly into a rage over the smallest thing. Getting angry with myself for this, then feel as though I don't feel anything.

Sitting at home now continuing with work as a distraction, but can't stay focused on it. All I want to do is cut. I know it is only temporary fix but seems such a good option right now.

Have appointment to talk to someone at work Thursday about everything going on, but don't know where to start. I thought I understood why I was like this but things unrelated to my past are now causing me anxieties and strain. Feel like I want to cry all the time but I have no tears. Nothing.

Trying to fight, but can't see the point in fighting it much longer. Just do it and shut up about it. At least I will regain some focus for a little while. Enough to get through this week? I don't know. Have to keep my harming under control. Can't have work notice and make me go sick. But it is all that is in my head. All the time.

Want to scream, want to shout, want to let it all flow out, but I know how it will end if I start.

Sorry

[adam_k]

I know thing are tough, but you can make it through this. Just take it a daybat a time or even a minute at a time if you have to. Can you shed some responsibilities ontoncowowrkers or friends until things get emotionally better for you?

Maybe you need a release for all of your anger. Me and my wife detroyed an old tv when my cousin moved out. It was two months of frustration with him here and having a physical release did us some good. Maybe buy some old plates, cups or bowls and throwing them against the ground. Yelling, screaming or punching a pillow or punching bag?

I hope your meeting Thursday goes well. Im around if you need someone to talk to or vent.

Take care of yourself.