[Blue_Bird]

I ended up cutting a bunch of times this morning Things are getting kind of scary. I completely understand my cutting when I'm extremely depressed but not this. I haven't been depressed for about 2 weeks actually. I'm angry at myself because I wasn't able to sleep at all for about 4 days, was wide awake and happy so I shouldn't be cutting but I was afraid I was never going to get any sleep. I have panic attacks and not being able to sleep only makes them happen more often and worse. I ended up pacing around outside last night in the rain till the morning trying to get myself to come back to reality and feel normal, I felt like I was completely insane and losing touch with reality. I'm just now staring to feel tired tonight. I come inside and look in the mirror and look like I'm going crazy. I didn't want to cut, I tried everything to stop whatever was going on and make myself sleep, I just felt wide awake, dissociated and was scared and had to feel something. I thought taking a shower, putting ice on my face would help, pinching myself, nothing I could barley feel anything so I started cutting a bunch of times as a last resort, I know I shouldn't have though

[Sam2]

That does sound scarey. Do you have a therapist that you can discuss this sudden onset with? It sounds like you need to be somewhere safe for a while. Not necessarily in an inpatient program, but frequent sessions and someone who will stay with you when you are home, like a friend who might want to come over for a couple of days.

Emotions are temporary, scars are forever. I don't mean to sound glib. I just mean that often times there are periods of intense depression, anxiety and anger that will smooth over if given a little time and therapy. Once you cut, its just one more problem that you don't need to deal with.

Stay strong,
Sam2

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Sam2

That does sound scarey. Do you have a therapist that you can discuss this sudden onset with? It sounds like you need to be somewhere safe for a while. Not necessarily in an inpatient program, but frequent sessions and someone who will stay with you when you are home, like a friend who might want to come over for a couple of days.

Emotions are temporary, scars are forever. I don't mean to sound glib. I just mean that often times there are periods of intense depression, anxiety and anger that will smooth over if given a little time and therapy. Once you cut, its just one more problem that you don't need to deal with.

Stay strong,
Sam2

Hi, Sam2, I do have a therapist, I'll hopefully be seeing again within a few weeks if I can. I wish I had people to talk to about it, I had friends but this past year I've completely isolated myself a lot of people in my life, not intentionally but it happened over time.

I never have cut before because of this type of thing, it's usually only when I'm depressed, this just felt more like things were completely out of control. After days of not being tired and not sleeping, then a panic attack that came and went for about 5 hours I was convinced I was dying and losing my mind. I wish I didn't cut, I hate the scars from it, and in reality it barely helped because I felt like I couldn't actually feel it which is why I did it a ton of times. It's usually different, I normally cut when I'm depressed and want to die, not cut because I am convinced/afraid I'm dying or going insane. The past two weeks I felt really good , until a few days ago then that happened now I'm back to being depressed, which isn't great, but it's a lot better then what was going on before.

Just hope that it doesn't happen again, I just hate that it happened in the middle of the night and there was no one to talk to.