Old Habits Die Hard

I used to cut myself in middle school and high school. I received help from a therapist and psychiatrist. I was able to refrain from injuring myself for several years. Recently I have been having a strong urge to begin to cut again. I have not, but I am afraid that I will not be able to keep myself from doing it. I have talked to my therapist and psychiatrist, but it is not helping me this time. I have just been feeling so worthless and inadequate. It's hard for me to feel okay about myself when I have grown up thinking I am ugly, fat, stupid, and crazy. My self esteem is so low. I rationalize the cutting by thinking I deserve it when I know that I don't. The voice in the back of my mind won't let me be happy. I don't know what to do.

Is there someone you can talk to other than a therapist + psychiatrist? Someone who knows you really well and you can share things with outside a clinical setting?

Doing something productive might help keep your mind off things.

- AJ

I have friends, but they don't really understand why I have the urge to harm myself. it's hard for me to reach out to them when I am afraid I will be judged or called crazy. I can usually distract myself with a book or a puzzle so I may try that.
Thanks for the advice.

Can you try holding ice? It hurts but it won't cause any permanent damage.

It's not ideal but if nothing else is proving to be enough of a distraction right now, it's better than cutting.

thanks for the idea. I will try that if nothing else works.