[findingmy_self95]

Its been almost a year exactly since I SH. Tonight I did it. I can't believe I did it. I know it's only gonna be a relapse but I'm so high from cutting and I'm in so much shock I don't even know. It's not even that bad. The drama wasn't even that bad but my heart has been so broken recently apparently that's all I needed. ****. I need advice. On anything.

Now my friend who I just helped through her relapse won't talk to me as soon as I said I needed help. ****

[grey_aj]

A slip is a slip is a slip... I don't know if you're downplaying the drama or if it actually wasn't too bad. If it wasn't, then that is a good thing in itself. Usually whenever I relapse after a really long time, I feel numb and don't feel anything but I still completely understand what you mean.

As for your friend, that's on her. Even if you hadn't helped her through, she should still be saying *something* to you. Maybe she doesn't really know how to react since you were her rock not too long ago and she doesn't know what to do when it's the other way around?

- AJ

[mazing]

As AJ said, we all struggle at times and can slip up, especially when something is playing with our emotions. What is most important is trying to pick yourself up again and start again. When I'm struggling I always try to remember this quote:

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.” ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

As for your friend I also agree with AJ. Unfortuately even people who struggle with similar concerns don't always know how to react when they become the supporter. While she shouldn't be ignoring you, it could also be that it is reminding her of her relapse. Is there anyone else you can talk to? Even relying on the PC community for a while. You shouldn't have to go through this alone.

[findingmy_self95]

Thank you everyone. I brought it up with her when we hung out and she made it about herself. I don't blame her. You are all very right, she just doesn't know how to be the supporter on the other end of it. That's okay though because I have the PC community which has supported me for 3 years now. I'm still asking myself why I did it again and I find myself slipping into the "spiral" where you make everything seem worse than it is and make yourself feel like everyone is against you personally and your friends have abandoned you. I'm only happy I've been through this several times before in my 5 years of SI history so I know how to take the fallout of the spiral and stop it and that I still have the support of the PC community. Send lots of love and positive thoughts my way please so I can make it through this relapse.

<3 Much Love, Hillary

[mazing]

Definitely thinking of you How are you doing today?

[findingmy_self95]

I'm spiraling. HELP.

[mazing]

Sorry I didn't reply - I haven't had an internet connection. What is going on? I'm always here if you want to talk. Please feel free to contact me any time. I am usually on here most days.