[Moodswing]

I needed the hopeless feelings to stop, I needed the overwhelming despair to cease, the need to end my life to ease up. I knew I was not going to down all my pills this day and I did not want to hide my wounds so I had to resort to banging my head once again.

I do not want to go through this any longer. I am just so tired of fighting.

[tealBumblebee]

Well...do you are least feel better now? I'm sorry you were feeling so low.

[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry it's so rough. Do you have anyone in RL to reach out to? I think I remember you saying your husband wasn't very supportive, and you are having a rough time with your T, is there anyone else? ((hugs)) Hang in there.

[puzzclar]

Could you try exercise?

[Moodswing]

I spent all day Friday knowing I needed help/support but refused to contact main T he caused so much more shame and embarrassed for me in session Thursday night. I felt like I made an even bigger mistake ever going to Therapy. I finally found the courage to call my original therapist(who I see every other week). The answering service answered and I decided not to leave a message. I thought perhaps if I called back on the top of the hour he would answer. He didn't. At 4:45 I emailed him just asking if he had time to see me that night and to call me. 45 min later(in traffic). I love his voice. We decided on a time that I we could speak. Not in traffic. He said to call, he would most likely not pick up but to stand by he would call me back. I waited 45 min....he never called. I was devastated. I went home in the worst shape. I sat on my feelings and emailed. He did email back letting me know it was ok to call him but at this point I shut down emotionally and the cocktail of drugs(ativan,ambein,flexeril)I took were taking effect.

I started packing up small things today for when I finally give up it would be less for my husband to deal with. Therapist can't help because in the end it comes down to you and yourself. I felt completely alone and worthless when I left his office Thursday. I felt like an a s s. I am just so tired. I don't want to see people. Talk to people or even be people.

God I wish there was a way not to wake up Monday. My damn head is so sore. I can't keep banging it.

[Moodswing]

Haaaa......oh Honey. I do something called Crossfit. Google it. I also coach it. So I power lift, Olympic lift, gymnastic moves, body weight movements, endurance training. You name it i do it 6 days a week.

[Moodswing]

I don't know if it is hurtful or helpful but there is a suicide forum that you can post about you suicide attempts. I have been reading people's story's of their OD experiences. None of them worked out the way the expected. They expected for peace to wash over them but they all got sick and felt like crap. Educational but unfortunately helps make my plan more lethal.

I am not as bad today but I know the coming work week will be a struggle and 2 T's that are keeping a distance from me.

[ThisWayOut]

((moodswing)) maybe try not to read those forums?
Hit me up if you need to talk ok?