[jadedbutterfly]

Trigger warning
.....................
I am working on saying no with people. It is so damn frustrating when they don't "hear" me... and they just keep pushing and pushing, making me work harder to stand up for myself, it is emotionally exhausting. So I have been si'ng trying to get to get rid of the anger. Recently I started scratching at my right arm and the right side of my face with my fingernails, hard enough to cause bleeding. Was trying to avoid using a razor, but I took one out thursday night, made these little tiny cuts and tried to get them to blend in with deep scratches. I am feeling the pull to do it again, but deeper, to get that relief, release all this crap... But when I cut on my arms (some reason it's the only place that "works" for me) it can get really bad, really quickly addiction wise, leads to staples or stitches etc.
I guess I just needed to get this out... maybe by writing this ...admitting that I am going over the edge.... will help me ... get me to start using my distraction tools again. Thanks for reading.

[Idiot17]

((((jadedbutterfly))))

[jadedbutterfly]

I am hearing voices.... some very mean and demanding... some are simple "cut cut cut cut..." but others are "wanting" me to do more damage ...
damn.... I blame myself for opening myself up to this by using that stupid ***** razor. And for letting my family get to me.... Wish I was strong enough to just write them off....
I have taken 2 of my prn anti-psychotics already today.
I have been working with different distractions to stop myself from si'ng....
fighting is so hard sometimes...