losing it *trigger*

well i was doing good, nothing for a months and then i was thinking iwas better and i decided to be cute and put pins on my jeans to look all emo and then i got upset that day and ended up poking myself with them. than at school i kept stabing myself witha pencil- not that hard but enough to hurt. and last night i kept stabing myself in the arms with these little sharp pins we have. i don't conclude it as 'cutting' cause i never used a knife but it's still SI. I am also picking my skin off my thumbs and the back of my head involuntarily. it's like a baby sucks ont heir thumb to calm themself down it's jsut what i do. i don't normally notice it until i see that i am bleeding or until it really stings. i don't see what wrong if i just poke myself with pins to relieve sum stress. it really makes me feel better. i feel kinda ashamed having to write this post after doing so good, but i don't want it to get out of control like it did last time. i'm on new meds which are okay, but i still like to relieve my stress sumtimes. what are a couple red spots on my arms going to be? not really that noticeable and doesn't really scar? it's hard. i don't like discussing it with people i kno (well i enver had) cause i'm scared that i'll scare them away or tehy'll be hurt or they'll hate me. what's am i supposed to do? just keep up with this menial form of SI, cause I don't think i can bring myself to talk to anyone about it...

(((((hugs)))))

Try not to do any SI if you can. I know that talking about any form of self-injuring, even the stuff many would overlook or not care about, is hard to talk about - but it's for your better if you try. I'm sorry I can't be of any other help, but please do try to take care of yourself, okay? *hugs*

I do little stuff that I don't count too. I never bother reporting that stuff to T. Sometimes it's almost a reflex to scratch myself or use pins. I don't even think about it. I'm realizing it does count though, and really isn't helping me.

Actually, I don't think discussing the SI is what is important, but it does mean that you're having trouble with emotions or something that you need to learn how to cope with.