[Grey Matter]

I haven't cut in two weeks. And I miss it. Randomly I will feel like I've lost a friend, and I feel so pathetic about it. It was never my friend, it wont ever be, it's just a coping mechanism gone wrong for me. But I went so long without friends that rituals became those friends. Like my OCD, my anorexia. It's so sad, messed up and twisted to even think about.

Ugh, I hate myself most of the time. I don't know how to not miss it.

It isn't messed up, but it's unfortunate that this is/has been our coping mechanism. I miss it too. A lot actually...

[beauflow]

coping mechanism

Remember what nevergoodenough says here, it is very well words to take and to remember

It is a coping mechanism that you have used, and it is comforting in away; and now it is not being done any more.

Finding healthier coping mechanisms may take a bit before they feel comforting, but in hopes that in time they will.

's

[grey_aj]

Even after a lot of time passes, you'll miss it less and less but there will be times when you still miss it. That's what's happening for me, anyways. I hate the feeling of missing it... it's not even like urges either, it's just a type of longing that just sits in the back of your mind. It might not be like that for you, but I totally get how you feel.

- AJ

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by Teen Idle

I haven't cut in two weeks. And I miss it. Randomly I will feel like I've lost a friend, and I feel so pathetic about it. It was never my friend, it wont ever be, it's just a coping mechanism gone wrong for me. But I went so long without friends that rituals became those friends. Like my OCD, my anorexia. It's so sad, messed up and twisted to even think about.

Ugh, I hate myself most of the time. I don't know how to not miss it.

You're not messed up.To be honest, that can be quite common in a lot of things. An example from my own life: I was very obese for several years; a couple of years ago, I dropped quite a bit of weight, and while I was happy about it, I was more sad about it for a long time. I sort of felt like I was grieving--and I couldn't stand the way I looked being thin. Of course, I realize it's not quite the same thing, but the point is that it's not uncommon to miss those old coping skills, even if you know they're harmful. A lot of alcoholics and drug addicts often miss that "buzz," even tho they know it's harmful and they still would never go back to it. Lots of hugs and be patient with yourself.

[AmmoniaJane]

I understand how you feel, I haven't done it, (more than a tiny bit, very rarely) in 2 years, and I find myself missing it too, but I know I'm better off without it, and you are too

provided it is not deep, I do not see it as a big deal.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Quite normal, actually; not as messed-up as you think.

I miss it too, I have no desire to ever do it again, but I miss the feeling, nothing compared to it.

For some (not necessarily saying for you)....

in a world gone mad, in bizarre times - this is one thing that you have control over.....

IE nobody listens to me, i feel like crap, my shrink is bossing me around about ________. Well nobody can stop me from this..............

Maybe your life is just a bit out of control. IDK.... Just a thought.

[revank]

I have gone very long periods without doing it. I went like 2 year once and then thought about it and missed so much I had to do it again and then it spirals from there. I am in a constant cycle of stopping that is almost always triggered by missing it. You are definitely not messed up, it is an addiction.

[HikingChick]

It is normal to grieve losing the ability to cut. I know sometimes I romanticize and look back and remanise about the feelings of relief and calm. I think all of us will miss it from time to time because it seemed so effective. When I am trying to deal with missing it I try to think of the negatives and how I hated being a slave to it.