Never Enough

(FYI- MAJOR trigger warning. I don't want to gross out or trigger anyone, so please don't proceed if you're triggered by descriptions!)

Do you ever feel like it's never enough, whatever you do to hurt yourself?

Like, when I used to bang my head against the wall, there wouldn't be a bruise or any blood, and I felt unsatisfied.

And when I cut, there is NEVER enough blood. I don't usually succeed in cutting very deep (most of my cuts don't even leave visible scars), and it always frustrates me. I end up with 7 billion baby, pathetic, shallow cuts, instead of the one deep, bloody cut I want.

I hate it. For me, the pain is almost secondary when I cut. What I really, really want to see is the blood. I want it to drip down my [insert body part here], and be able to see it pool. But instead, all I get are those pathetic, stupid little beads of blood on the cut. And that's if I'm lucky!

I've done everything I can to make them deeper, from pressing harder to buying BRAND SPANKIN' NEW blades, and nothing works.

Not really sure what I wanted from this, except to know if anyone else felt like this, I guess.

I also always feel like the cuts are never enough like you said and not deep enough. I start cutting with the thought in my mind "it's going to be deep" then it ends up being a bunch of shallow ones. For me the deeper/worse cuts I do feel like more of a release than the small ones.

I'm the same way. It doesn't matter how hard I press or what kind of blade I use, I just can't get more than shallow cuts. Just barely enough for it to drip and make a mess.

So I am not the only one who does shallow cuts. I was thinking I was one major wuss.

Anyone ever try a scalpel? Do you think that would work better than your typical box-cutter razor?

I have the same problem. Except over time it has got deeper and worse. There is blood dripping and pooling...but I still want it to be worse. I don't think it will ever be enough.

When I cut, sometimes I can cut deep enough to really make it bleed and sometimes I can only cut shallow. I think it has a lot to do with my state of mind at the time. The more emotionally worked up I get the greater need for a release, then I cut deeper. For me its about the pain and the blood. I need to feel it and see the blood flow, letting those pent up emotions out. The shallow cuts still help because I feel some pain and they bleed a little but its always best if the cuts are deeper and the blood flows.

I've never tried it, but I tried looking it up on the internet. Apparently it depends on the brand and quality of each.

A little bit off-topic, but does anyone else get depressed if their cuts heal too fast?

** Raises paw. I do. And it kinda triggers me to start all over again.