I will cut. That much I know.

I also know that I'm gonna OD.

When? It's only a matter of time. Maybe tonight...

****ing can't do this anymore, I am so over it all.

[atomicc]

Please hang on, we don't want to lose you. If you need anything I'm here...I know how hard it is to hold on but you're very cared about here

I just hate breathing. It hurts so ****ing much. Whoever thought it could hurt to breathe? This last few weeks I've been hanging on strand by strand of a thread....I've run out of strands.

[CrimsonBlues]

Hello secretwhisper-Please try to hang on. I know that thread you are referring to-I have been hanging on to that single strand myself. Do you have any support, anyone who can stay with you and help you right now? I hope that you will return and let is know how you are doing. I'm sending hugs and support your way.

Thanks. My bf does night work so I have been staying with my parents when he is at work. But it has got to the stage where I don't even feel safe with my parents right now. I wish it would get better but I just have no hope in making it out of this anymore.

If you are around your family can you not sit with them? Its unlikely they will let you od or cut in front of them, thus keeping you safe.

Yes during the day that helps...but everyone has to sleep...

[CrimsonBlues]

Hi secretwhisper-thank you for coming back. I know this is going to sound stupid and I know that when there is so much pain and hopelessness and despair any suggestion about hanging on might seem pointless but I'm going to try anyway. First of all, as I wrote, I can empathize with the anguish of feeling that there is too much pain to continue. I struggle with that consistently. But there is something that I try to hang onto and it comes from an idea that I cannot dispute-there is no way to know what will happen tomorrow. Yes, it might seem like nothing will ever change after living years, maybe even a life time, of anguish and despair. It might seem ridiculous to think that there is any possible way that things will be a little easier tomorrow or the next day or that something will happen that we didn't think possible-that something being a ray of light, a ray of hope, that will help us find some peace. But ending things is definitive, ending things does end that possibility. I ask that you try to take in that people do care about you. I don't know about your relationships with your friend or your family but there are people here who understand and who care about you and who do not want to lose you. I am one of those people. I know you don't know me but I do care. I suggest that you continue to talk to people here and that you contact a hotline and talk to someone. Please come back and let us know how you are and please get help. You deserve caring and understanding and compassion. And please remember you do not know what will happen in the future-no matter what happened in the past.

I know what you are saying and I know that you're right. I have found myself in such a dark place lately and nothing good is touching me. I have been holding on to my thread for the last few weeks, maybe even longer. I will continue to try to do the same. I just think it's only a matter of time until it breaks completely.

Every day I wake up amazed that I have tbh. Every day I am amazed that I haven't given in.

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Every day I wake up amazed that I have tbh. Every day I am amazed that I haven't given in.

It's a sign of your strength.

[falsememory7]

I've read a lot of your posts, secret, and you've really helped me. I know exactly what you're going through, and I know how you feel - I deal with the same thoughts. But please don't. We need you. Your cats need you. I need you. I know that things get really rough sometimes, and some days breathing is unbearable, and all you want to do is to escape the pain, to leave this world, because nothing could be worst than the cold, darkness here. All the pain, all the suffering, all the fear. It's so dark, how can we possibly see the thread to hold on to? But I'm holding your hand in this darkness, secret. And you're holding mine. As long as we're holding hands, you can't possibly get lost, and we can find the light together. Just please, please, don't let go of my hand. I need you here.