[Sky200094]

Im 18, I first started cutting at 15. I never thought I'd ever do that. I've been hospitalized because of that, Its gotten alot worse. My mom was extremely emotionally abusive towards me growing up. I haven't left home yet because of very bad anxiety problems, I try to avoid her because we dont relate at all, she calls me names that she called me growing up and im really sensitive to it and I'll end up hurting myself I also do that because I hate myself. I've been doing that almost everyday for a year on my left arm, I havent worn a short sleeve shirt in like 6 months. I would never want anyone to see especially my mom because she always trys to put me in the hospital, but its not because she cares its just because shes always wanted me gone ever since I was young, she use to threaten to abandon me as a child by saying she would put me in a foster home and leave me forever and she came from an abusive foster home so I dont know why she'd say that to me. When she found out I was doing that she called me a physco and said shes never seen anything like it, it really hurts my feelings. She says only a physco would do that. I want to stop but its very hard, it would help because then maybe she wouldn't call me that. I just wish she would help me through it instead of tearing me down even more.

Your mother sounds like a psycho

It is very hard to stop SH, especially if you have self-esteem issues (IMO). Check out DBT and see if it could help you.

btw - do not be embarassed of your SH. It is part of who you are, how you cope, what you did to SURVIVE. Could be better methods, but you survived.

Gods blessing to you.

[Sky200094]

I agree, my mom can be phycoish, she hurts me so much when she says that to me, she acts like she doesnt have problems.

sorry to hear it..... it seems very familiar to myself.

TRY not to project her failures as a mother - equaling somehow you did something wrong. Be strong - you will be a better / stronger person someday.

[Sky200094]

okay thanks. Sometimes it can be hard, hopefully I will be stronger.
My older brother physically abused me my whole life, he burned me, and use to beat me, my mom says that I deserved that, I dont know how a 5 year old deserves to be burnt, I just want a relationship with my mom, but I guess that wont happen.

Originally Posted by Sky200094

... he burned me, and use to beat me, my mom says that I deserved that,....

Suddenly I feel like my mother was Mother Theresa.

[Sky200094]

There were alot of bad times but there were some good times with my mom where I actually felt like she loved me, I think she says things when angry, but regardless its still very messed up. it was bad alot but it could've been worse.

your mom sounds like my whole entire family. i'm sorry you go through it.

as for how to stopp, well i always check the thread at the top... the distraction thread that offers alternatives- so when you get thre urges, you do 1 of those in sted.

hard habbit to stop... i've been doing it now for over 13 years

[Sky200094]

Ok thanks I'll check it out