[KingNobody17]

For the past three years I have been without a situation that would lead me to think that self injury is a solution to my problems. But here in the past couple of weeks I have had a string of bad luck, some I've brought upon myself and some has been brought upon me. For starters, my mother has been in a bit of distress not having a home to call her own and what not. And I do not have a bed for her to sleep on, nor food for her to eat. And when I attempted to at least comfort her and say I love her. She told me that I do not mean it and that I shouldn't even say it. Secondly, my fathers health continues to grow worse. I fear that in the next few months he might not be around anymore. I have not had a relationship with him in the past five years since I left his home. My sister who I have always felt the closest to in my family, doesn't talk to me anymore ever since I have came clean to her about my addiction to street drugs and alcohol almost a month ago. I wonder if she'll ever forgive me for lying to her these past three years. No one else in my family seems to have any bit of compassion towards me. And the last bit of misfortune in my life right now is without a doubt all on me. I was under the influence of alcohol and I made out with my best friends girl. I haven't told him yet. And I fear he might never want to see me again. I don't want that to happen. He is the best friend I have ever had and think I will ever have.

But no matter how unfortunate those events are, that is not the reason I am writing. As I write this, I have just broken my streak of being free of self injury. And I ask for help of anyone as to not make this a habit again. By the looks of it, I think I might start up frequently. I know it's not a good solution to my problems. But, it's the only thing that makes me feel better besides drugs and alcohol. And I am not ready to go down that road. So, please. Any help you could offer would be greatly appreciated right now. Thank you for reading.

[HealingTimes]

KN17, do you see a therapist? i think it would be really beneficial for you to be able to talk to someone who isn't directly related to you and is removed from the situation with your family.
It sounds as though your Mum has her own issues to deal with, and you are not responsible for that. I am so sorry to hear that your Dad isnt very well. It's hard to see someone we love becoming ill.
In regards to your sister, give her time. It's only been about a month since you told her about the drugs/drink. She may be in shock and just needs some time to deal with it.

Like you said, SI isn't a good way to deal with any of this. You need to get outside help from a therapist or someone similar.
Good luck

[KingNobody17]

No, I don't see a therapist. I don't have the funds, or the insurance to cover it.

KN17 - there are usually FREE services offered in many communities for people who need help and can not afford it. I think you need some help.

Day by day.... try to be patient with the poo in life.... you can survive this. Just take it one day, one hour at a time.

[CrimsonBlues]

Hello KingNobody17-Wow-you do have so much going on. Anyone would be overwhelmed. I agree with what Healing Times wrote. I am sorry about your family situation. I hope that your sister will come around and be supportive and compassionate toward you. I think that often times people feel fearful and powerless with serious issues-not that it helps you when you need support the most. Believe me, I understand the pain of having people that I loved turn away when I needed them the most.

As far as seeking help, I think there are places who will help you free of charge but it does require research to find them. Every location is different as far as what they offer so I can't give you a link, I'm sorry to say. I know that when we are overwhelmed it can be so daunting to find the help we need. I would suggest that you might contact a free clinic and let the doctor know what you are struggling with and hopefully they can steer you to some help for your specific problems. SI is a tough thing to shake-especially when you're also dealing with addictions and other issues. I would start with the Internet search of free services in your location and then let them know all of your struggles so they can offer some resources to help you. And, I would do what you're doing now, looking at sites that are designed to help people with your specific concerns. There are some threads in this section of the forum that help to give alternatives to SI. I can only say that you are not alone. You are going through so much but you deserve to be healed and you deserve peace and you deserve compassion and you deserve support. I think it is awesome that you found this forum and that you shared your story with us. I wish you all the best.