[paintingravens]

but I think my skills adjusting to post-grad life have been deteriorating (I started a thread in the Coping with Emotions page yesterday that went into a little more detail; I don't feel like typing it alllll out a second time), and I've been struggling to keep my mind off of the urges I haven't really had (they haven't been this severe since then) for the past couple of weeks. I start part-time work for Bojangles' on Wednesday (I'm a vegetarian, which is kinda funny and yet not really because it makes this job kinda distressing/guilt-inducing, but I need money to pay my loans and to save up enough to move out -- I don't know how much more living with my mom I can endure), and with everything going on (or not going on), it's been an emotional time. I miss my friends who are all so far away. I've done well distracting myself during this time, but I keep coming back to the tempting thought that even if I regret it later, I will at least feel in control long enough to not feel like I'm going to burst into tears at any moment or do something embarrassing or **** up something on the first day. I'm posting this with the hopes that someone will offer some encouragement or support. I'm going to sleep and hope the urge lessens overnight instead of staying up even longer dwelling on it, but the urges seem to come back with a little more intensity each day. Now it doesn't help that I feel sick on top of being emotionally spent, so I feel crummy. I really need to adjust my sleep schedule. Which is one more thing I should add to the seemingly-ever-growing list of things I feel incapable of accomplishing... Actually, I just really need to find a therapist nearby, but that's a hurdle I'm still trying to jump. Thanks for reading my thoughts.

[gayleggg]

Congratulations on making it eight months. That is something to be proud of. I think going to sleep right is a good idea and hope tomorrow willl be better. Please take that hurdle and find a therapist. I think that would help a lot. Stay strong I know you can fight your way out of this.

[reesecups]

8 mos.? Wow! Dare to dream. You are inspiring me. Hope things get better.