[Daeva]

Seriously though at what point? I SI when I feel overwhelmed with emotions, I cut myself and it's like a release. But sometimes I can't even identify the emotions, or it's just a crushing wave of self-hatred, that makes me do it. And now my own good blade is dull, so I'm thinking of stores that are easy to steal from, I'm already selling my belongings to make rent and now am thinking of using the money to stock up on some blades. Also asking my other friend who SI's if she has any extra's. Just tonight I SI'd but for once I just feel it wasn't enough, I only did one arm though. At what point in all this is it an addiction?

[Sam2]

Daeva,
like it or not, it is an addiction. If you ask yourself if you could give up your SI forever and honestly can't say no, then it is an addiction.

When you cut yourself, your body releases endorphins that give you a type of high. You may not feel euphoric, but probably a sense of relief and reprieve of the feelings that made you injure yourself in the first place. It may not be a drug as you think of one, but rather it is a self made drug.

The other problem with SI is that it is a poor coping mechanism. When you don't feel good about something or are pissed off at yourself, you self injure. You need to find a healthy way of coping with your problems. The longer the SI continues, the harder it will be to stop.

Sam2

[Daeva]

Yeah I can't think of giving it up, I don't know what to do without it. I don't really see the problem with it since it's my body and I can damage it any way I see fit.

[Grey Matter]

It felt like it became an addiction for me when it was more of a routine than a release of any kind. It's hard to describe.

[Daeva]

I was thinking the same thing, I am bordering on it. Thanks!

[breakmystride]

I knew it was an addiction when I started feeling guilty every time I went too long without cutting. That was only a couple weeks after I started.

Which stores are easy to steal from?

I dunno, I've been wondering this myself. I don't think I'm addicted.

[beloiseau]

I don't know. Addiction and SI are different for everyone. I think of it as a small addiction for me because I think about it even if i dont have the urge... When I pass by things in stores i could use i think about it. I sit at home and think of things I could use just in case I get the urge, what store is close by, whether i should buy something to keep around just in case. My urges are definitely lessened since i gave my last favorite tool to my dbt group leader, but i still think about it a lot and how it made me feel. I do the same thing with alcohol and cigarettes... Even though i dont consider myself addicted to them, they are a problem behavior.

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[ThisWayOut]

for me, it became an addiction when I needed it again as soon as I put the blade down. There was a point that I could not go for more than 15 minutes without it... That was 2 years ago. I stopped for about 1.5 years at the time, but I lost that time when I moved back "home". I can rarely go a full month without it anymore, and as soon as I pick it up, I want it again and again (back to every few minutes). It's a bit easier to talk myself out of, but it's still a huge draw... I love it and hate it. I don't always have a reason for it other than "needing" it... Today's hard, with multiple triggers. :/

[00642]

I think it became an addiction for me when I turned to it for everything. When I was a bit upset at a comment someone had made or whatever, I'd reach for the blade. When it became all I thought about - like I'd sit in a class and all I could obsess about was when I could do it next to help me feel a bit better or how to get around the things which could stop me. And when I wouldn't leave the house without a blade. That's kind of when I realised I was addicted, I guess.

[Idiot17]

I don't think it's an addiction or rather an addiction for me. I never try to stop myself from doing it, i just do it when i want to. In the past i once went from doing it multiple times a day to not doing it for two months. I didn't not do it then cuz i was trying not to, i honestly simply didn't do it. So is it possible it's not an addiction for me? For anyone?

[Fuzzybear]

[ThisWayOut]

idiot17, it does not ever have to reach addiction status, but it can for a lot of people. There are many people who drink alcohol who never become addicted... I'm glad SI never got to that point for you, that's a good thing

[Idiot17]

Mdngtrain, It leaves me confused about it. Its the same with alcohol for me.....
Thanks for your response.

[ThisWayOut]

I never became addicted to alcohol, but I have become addicted to si. I know I can drink regularly for a time, then drop it because I simply do not want it. I can go weeks or months without picking up a drink (socially or otherwise), but I can't necessarily do that with si. I think it has a lot to do with the effects of either coping skill. If you are easier able to find an alternative coping skill or it doesn't work much, much better than another coping skill, it doesn't have a psychological need to become an addiction. (I tend to believe we only get addicted to things that bring about an immediate, intense, and very reliable positive effect - even if the negative effect comes quickly afterwards). I know it's not necessarily the way most people look at addiction, but I think it happens with drugs that are addictive after the first time... if the effect (positive) wasn't SO great (either physically or psychologically). then we would not seek it out again when there are viable alternatives that can bring a greater positive effect... For me, si brings a much greater positive effect than alcohol does, so I will want to reach for it before I reach for a drink. Even with the negatives associated with my si, the immediate positive effect often times out-weighs any consequences...

after writing all that out, I'm wondering if I read you wrong, do you mean not addicted to alcohol either? because that's a good thing There's no rule that says there must be an addiction to a coping skill or substance. I think it just can get that way for a lot of people, and we end up hearing about that. I was not addicted to si for the first 18 years I did it. Then I changed spots again, and I happened to become addicted because of the impact and the stressors I was facing at the time. I also think an addiction can be left behind if the conditions are right...

I'm addicted to SI, I have been doing it everyday for the past 6 months and my arms look truly terrible, I was honest with T just a few back and told her I think that I am addicted and she is trying to help me cut down on my SI.

[Idiot17]

Mdngtrain,
i do not find myself addicted to alcohol, si or some other substances. I use it all at excess and to put myself more at ease ( if thats possible) and yet i can go off either thing for an unspecified amount of time just for the thing of it. Not that i typically do that, and its subconciously done. so for me, no i dont understand the whole concept of addiction? Am i being in denial, cuz i dont think so, im pretty real about it?
Is it possible to actively take part in most common addictions and not be addicted to any of it?