[Angel of Bedlam]

So I was talking to my boyfriend about my SI and he asked why all my cuts and burns and scratches are individual, meaning that I never cut over an old scar. I told him that they're like little purple hearts to me, each one a medal for at least making it through such hard times.

Does anyone else feel like this?

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[breakmystride]

I know what you mean, although I'm kind of different. I don't purposefully keep my scars separate, I do overlap new cuts over old scars. But at the same time, I do have some 'favorite' scars that make me remember when I did them.

[Angel of Bedlam]

I refuse to overlap. Even when I'd cut like 30+ at a time. They couldn't touch and couldn't cover an old scar. Maybe this also fed into my need for control, who knows...

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[FrayedEnds]

Thank you so much for this Angel!
Holy crap...I had never thought about it in any deep kind of way, but that is exactly how I feel about old scars! I haven't si'd in over 10 years but I still feel the urge when everything falls apart. I just look at old scars and think about what was going on in my life for each individual scar.
fricken purple hearts! perfect

I can not say that I totally relate..... I go over mine all the time (crossing, new pattern, whatever). I guess mine just do not "scar" like you all seem to have. Mine fade after just a week or two.

So I guess I even a failure at cutting......

BUT - I can kinda relate too - because when mine do fade - I MUST replace them as soon as possible.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

I can not say that I totally relate..... I go over mine all the time (crossing, new pattern, whatever). I guess mine just do not "scar" like you all seem to have. Mine fade after just a week or two.

So I guess I even a failure at cutting......

BUT - I can kinda relate too - because when mine do fade - I MUST replace them as soon as possible.

You do not fail at cutting. You cannot fail at something that is a failed practice.

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[healingme4me]

No, my scars are not medals. Had one teenager, when I worked at high school, give me a knowing look, as he was clearly hiding his.
Otherwise, glad little kids, are oblivious. One of those things, I often wonder, just how this talk is going to occur, between myself and my kids.
My scars are visible over two decades later.

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[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

No, my scars are not medals. Had one teenager, when I worked at high school, give me a knowing look, as he was clearly hiding his.
Otherwise, glad little kids, are oblivious. One of those things, I often wonder, just how this talk is going to occur, between myself and my kids.
My scars are visible over two decades later.

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I have a 4-year-old who I know sees them. I've been asked by other kids how I got them. That's upsetting to me. But internally I still see my scars as reminders of making it through such tremendous sorrow and still being here.

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[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

I have a 4-year-old who I know sees them. I've been asked by other kids how I got them. That's upsetting to me. But internally I still see my scars as reminders of making it through such tremendous sorrow and still being here.

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Mine, is a reminder, as well. My oldest and I have had to discuss, why ppl commit suicide. There were three in my town, over the past couple years. The first, affected him, in the sense, one of his close friends, knew the teen, and I talked to the friend, and my son. The second one, father of his classmate. Third, he was unaffected, but wanted to know why, what brings people to that point. He's 'primed', so when they realize, my own scar, there's a lead in discussion. Depression, sh, si, sa, s,, will be as open and honest a discussion, as birds and bees. I feel no shame. It's not a badge of honor, for me, but something, I've often wondered, how to have this talk. I promised myself, upon my first pregnancy, I will be honest, and non emotive about it.

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[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Mine, is a reminder, as well. My oldest and I have had to discuss, why ppl commit suicide. There were three in my town, over the past couple years. The first, affected him, in the sense, one of his close friends, knew the teen, and I talked to the friend, and my son. The second one, father of his classmate. Third, he was unaffected, but wanted to know why, what brings people to that point. He's 'primed', so when they realize, my own scar, there's a lead in discussion. Depression, sh, si, sa, s,, will be as open and honest a discussion, as birds and bees. I feel no shame. It's not a badge of honor, for me, but something, I've often wondered, how to have this talk. I promised myself, upon my first pregnancy, I will be honest, and non emotive about it.

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That's a good strategy. My scars have never been from a suicide attempt, so it will be hard to explain to him why mom would SI to cope with her life.

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[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

That's a good strategy. My scars have never been from a suicide attempt, so it will be hard to explain to him why mom would SI to cope with her life.

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knowledge is power. Sometimes, the words, need to come from the heart, when time is right

My sh scars faded, lest asked about the one on my upper right thigh. It's the sa one, that is glaring.

My sh ones, showed, after I had my youngest. The heat, from his body, holding him, brought them clear as day, as red marks. It was a rough time, for me realizing how many, there were.



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[Angel of Bedlam]

Aw I'm sorry.

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[Angel of Bedlam]

The ones on my legs are the worst. They're the ones that needed stitches that I never got. The burns that go from my hand are bad too since some are keloid scars. I hope that in time I'll know what to say.

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[grey_aj]

Omg keloids/ hypertrophic scars.... I feel. A lot of my scars that have been around for a year or two are currently fading fast. I thought I would be happy but idk why I'm not really.

- AJ

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by ajbpdljhsk

Omg keloids/ hypertrophic scars.... I feel. A lot of my scars that have been around for a year or two are currently fading fast. I thought I would be happy but idk why I'm not really.

- AJ

I have a weird thing about my fading scars too. My legs have recently started fading from like dark purple to more skin colored. I'm glad because I want to eventually wear shorts again, but I don't want to forget where I came from, what I went through kind of... I hope that makes sense. It's almost like although that past is fading, I don't want it to forget it cause it has made me stronger.

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Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

The ones on my legs are the worst. They're the ones that needed stitches ...........

Sorry if this is a screamingly-stupid comment - but..... my cuts have never needed stitches. Am i simply not cutting deep enough? What am I doing wrong?

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

Sorry if this is a screamingly-stupid comment - but..... my cuts have never needed stitches. Am i simply not cutting deep enough? What am I doing wrong?

There is no right way to SI. In fact, it's all wrong.

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*** BAAA to your "its all wrong" line.

guess that means I just have to keep working on going deeper.

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

*** BAAA to your "its all wrong" line.

guess that means I just have to keep working on going deeper.

USELESS!!!! I hope you just have a dark sense of humor!

[Truth in Ruin]

Dear Useless Me,

If you are joking, I will say that you're super funny!!! PS - I hope this is the case.

However, if you are serious, you need to be in a padded room where people come in at random to give you a hug every 5 minutes.

Originally Posted by Truth in Ruin

USELESS!!!! I hope you just have a dark sense of humor!

(for a change)... i was actually serious on this one.

I can not tell you how much i HATE the fact everyone else seems to get scars or stitches - but mine just heal after a couple weeks and fade away after that. VERY annoying. Like i am not enough of a man to do it right.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

(for a change)... i was actually serious on this one.

I can not tell you how much i HATE the fact everyone else seems to get scars or stitches - but mine just heal after a couple weeks and fade away after that. VERY annoying. Like i am not enough of a man to do it right.

There is no way to do something right that is wrong. There's no competition to see how many scars you can get or how deep you can go.

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i wasn't saying it was a competition.

I do my SH to keep from committing suicide. The *better* my SH, the safer I am. So, I was looking for a longer term safety plan.... but I guess you do not like me being safe.....

fine.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

i wasn't saying it was a competition.

I do my SH to keep from committing suicide. The *better* my SH, the safer I am. So, I was looking for a longer term safety plan.... but I guess you do not like me being safe.....

fine.

I am sorry I misunderstood you and made you feel as though I didn't care about your safety. The only reason I said what I said is because I do care about your safety. I don't want you to SI, but I understand the reasons behind it. I wish you safety and hopefully happiness.

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Originally Posted by Useless Me

i wasn't saying it was a competition.

I do my SH to keep from committing suicide. The *better* my SH, the safer I am. So, I was looking for a longer term safety plan.... but I guess you do not like me being safe.....

fine.

I think if the SH you are doing now is enough to prevent you committing suicide then keep it at that level. No need to change it unless its just not helping enough anymore

It's not about scars and stitches, it's about the release and relief.