Back in this place again

I've been a self injurer since I was 14. I'm 29 now. I've gone over a year since I've cut. But this morning, I cut myself.

Honestly, it felt like the only thing that was going to take my mind off of suicide.

I haven't been suicidal since my teenage years... even with significant bouts of depression, and I diagnosis of Rapid Cycling Bipolar 1.

Two days ago, I found out that I also have Borderline Personality Disorder.

I also got divorced this year. Wrecked my car. Lost custody of my children. Recently got an ankle injury that needs surgery, probably within a few weeks, and I will not be able to return to work for at least 8 weeks. No work, means I also lose my insurance.

I am at a loss. A complete and total loss of how to move forward.

And so here I am again. The urge to cut has returned, and I feel completely unable to fight it.

I'm so tired.

Personally I believe that the urges never completely go away - if you become stressed enough and your coping mechanisms stop working then the urges can always come back. But a year is a great achievement and you can get there again.

It sounds like you have been through a lot of stress this year and I can completely understand why you are struggling. I'm sorry you have been through so much.

I can promise though that in time it does get easier again. The issues causing the stress do pass or get easier to manage and the urges subside as well. Hang in there

Can you remember some of the things you did to help manage the urges last time you stopped SI? Some of those things might help now.