[smmath]

Do you ever feel like self harm is a competition?

I feel bad and guilty when someone does it worse than me. It's like they are challenging me to SI worse, even though that is the last thing others are doing? It also is like I want to prove that something is wrong, and am not making up my issues. I think I feel inadequate in every other part of myself, so if I can SI "better" than I will feel proud and accomplished. It doesn't make any logical sense, but it is something I have been struggling with for a long time.

Do you think there is a way to combat this when it comes to support group like setting? Just curious.

Thanks for the feedback.

[grey_aj]

I totally understand. It's like there isn't supposed to be a degree of how "bad" someone's cutting is, but at the same time there is, and you're scared of coming off like a poser. I've been there a lot too.

I have a friend who also SIed. She told me a story or two that made me think "omg I was such a pathetic cutter". However, as I got to know her better and the nature of her triggers, there have been times where I've been like "wow, she actually cut herself over *that*?"

My point is, everyone reacts to different things differently... the only person who knows your whole story is you. In a support group setting, hopefully there won't be many graphic descriptions being shared. Don't minimize your problems. Keep in mind that everyone has a different rock bottom, and if yours is slightly less deep, remember that it's actually a good thing. Who knows, maybe someone else has the same fears as you and has been playing up their SI. What you went through is yours.

I don't know if that made sense or not haha. Basically, you're not the only one who feels this way.

- AJ

[Samanthagreene]

I used to feel like this a lot. I still do sometimes. I try to remember that the deepness of the cut doesn't relate to the strength of the mental pain.

[smmath]

Thank you both. I think if I internalize what y'all have told me, then the competition feelings will diminish.

I have seen pics of people who cut DEEP. I have seen people who burn (which freaks me out a bit).

If it is a competition for deep or most pain or burning - then I lose big time.

but if you simply want total number of cuts - then I think I can compete with anyone........

[jadedbutterfly]

Originally Posted by smmath

Do you ever feel like self harm is a competition?

I feel bad and guilty when someone does it worse than me. It's like they are challenging me to SI worse, even though that is the last thing others are doing? It also is like I want to prove that something is wrong, and am not making up my issues. I think I feel inadequate in every other part of myself, so if I can SI "better" than I will feel proud and accomplished. It doesn't make any logical sense, but it is something I have been struggling with for a long time.

Do you think there is a way to combat this when it comes to support group like setting? Just curious.

Thanks for the feedback.

I can relate to your posting. Years ago, when I was in and out of the hospital... I had the "I'm so much better than you" attitude when it came to seeing other si'rs. I also had trouble in dbt back then. Comparing my si to other's even if they weren't cutter's like I was. I wanted to be the "baddest" or the "best" at it.... which of course landed me in the hospital more.
Your right, it doesn't "seem" logical. But it sure feels like it.
As for ways to combat this is a group setting, the best I can tell you, from my own experience is to focus on yourself....