[ontheotherside]

So, I'm not sure if this is where I should post this.
Last night I had a horrible dream, and while I can (of course) only remember bits and pieces, it has left me so... off. My entire morning was spent trying to get myself out of bed, not because i was tired, but because i couldn't see the point. It was such an overpowering sense of... I'm not even sure, not empty, or numb, but like there was a void. Like an ever consuming black hole that just sucked everything in and let nothing out.
Of course, I had a million things to do, and today was the worst day for all of this. I felt like a small corner of my mind was yelling at me to get up and do the things needed, while the rest of me was trying to drown it out.
When I finally did get out of bed, it was all i could take not to hurt myself. For being lazy, for being worthless, and for not even being able to explain why I felt the way I did. I tried talking to my sister, and a few friends, just to try and get my mind off it, but no one was answering. I've been able to distract myself all day, homework and all that, but i'm afraid to go back home. I'm afraid of walking back through that door and go back to where i left off at the edge of harm. I'd been doing so well. Schools kept me busy, and so has catching up with a few friends. But there, there all i have in the recesses of my brain to take over.
I know I have to go back home, and that I'm just being silly, but I can't shake it. Sorry for the rant, thanks for listening.

[smmath]

I'm sorry your dream has left you feeling like this. There is no need to apologize, it is good that you felt confidant enough to post this. Have you had urges to hurt yourself before?

[puzzclar]

you posted in the right area. I've been there, but I also find exercise and writing to be helpful at home to be able to handle the thoughts.

[grey_aj]

Omg I feel you. So much. This is pretty much how I'm feeling today too, so I completely get it. I hope you get through today... we can do this

- AJ

[ontheotherside]

Originally Posted by smmath

I'm sorry your dream has left you feeling like this. There is no need to apologize, it is good that you felt confidant enough to post this. Have you had urges to hurt yourself before?

I have had urges before, and acted on them plenty of times. Some days I feel I'm getting better, but other days I feel like I'm just fooling myself.

[ontheotherside]

Originally Posted by puzzclar

you posted in the right area. I've been there, but I also find exercise and writing to be helpful at home to be able to handle the thoughts.

I think I will take your advice, I do find comfort in writing, even when I think I have nothing to say. I would say yes to exercise, but theres snow/ice outside and way too cold for my liking
Might take me a while to get used to talking about these things, but I'll at least try.