Punching/hitting as self injury

Although I know there is another thread with the same subject, I decided to start a new one because I felt that some of the messages in the other thread were condoning hitting yourself/punching yourself, which I believe it should be considered on the same level as cutting, ie: it is self harm.

I guess I am mostly seeking advice and also wondering if anyone else has this issue. Unfortunately, I am also a cutter, so essentially I have issues with self-harm. And I am very ashamed about this and would not disclose this to anyone but this private forum.

When I am really really upset, disconnected, and having what I call an "episode" I sometimes get very very angry (usually at myself or how I am feeling) and I will repeatedly punch myself in the head with fists very hard. It is really horrible and I always feel awful afterwards and dizzy. Unfortunately, last night I did this for quite sometime. I finally stopped when I really scared my partner and he held me down. All day today my head has felt sort of murky, bad headache and after some Advil, it still kind of aches. I am sure it is just sore from what I did. I did some research online and it seems you can't really cause a concussion or anything, although I think the emotional effects are really terrible. Perhaps it was due to my episode and issue last night, which was really awful and I won't go into it, but I have felt very out of it all day. Unable to focus or think clearly at work. (I did not want to come in, but that's another story)

I guess I was just wondering if anyone that has Borderline Personality Disorder or anyone else, do you sometimes have these reactions also? It is unfortunately something I have done ever since I was a teenager. Often it was related to a very intense emotionally abusive fight or argument with someone, where I became extremely upset.

In addition, when I am so upset and revved up and out of sorts, what should I do? I was told to use a rubber band on my wrist and snap it. I don't want to be inappropriate but I did that method before and after my head punching and now my wrist is really bruised and swollen, so apparently that is not the best method either.

Any help, advice, or similar experiences would be helpful. Thank you.

Hello, Moomoocows. I think I have roughly similar experiences:
My Recent Bad Day
Fragile, Discouraged
Opinion Request: My "Major Episodes"

My diagnoses include major depression (unipolar) and general anxiety disorder. I have not been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, nor do I engage in any common SI behaviors.

We are not alone.

I don't do the punching but I do hit my hands if I get upset. For example last year this nurse ignored me and falsely accused me of falling in love with her. Anyway I began scratching and hitting both my hands. Still have the scars.

I believe you!

My brother hits himself in the face until he has black eyes and such... I scratch and pinch and hit very hard objects.

I know someone who does something similar to that, but he doesn't go until he's bruised; he just does it a few times, then manages to get his emotions under control.
Different story for me--if I'm going to hit/punch myself, or do that to something that can hurt me, I'm going all-in. I'll bruise myself, cut myself, or basically do anything that leaves a long-lasting mark on my body. I don't recommend doing it to that extreme, but if absolutely necessary, try to find a different way to cope. That's what my therapist told me, but it doesn't work for me. It might work for you, but then again, you're different than I am.

That true!

I'm sorry to hear that! I wish I knew how to stop!

Hello moomoocows: Yes. I have a history of head hitting and head banging. And I want to warn you... as a result of my relentless head banging (more-so than hitting, I believe) I now have Meniere's Disease which is a condition of the inner ear and tinnitus (constant ringing in the ears.) These conditions can be managed but not cured. I also have had a detached retina in one eye which I suspect was related to my self-harm activities.

There's more to be concerned about when you talk about head hitting / banging than concussions. So I would like to strongly recommend that, if you are not already receiving help for this, you do so. Over the long haul, there can be some really difficult consequences.

You mentioned that you tried the rubber band idea. Another thing I've heard suggested is to make a list of things you really like to do. Then when you feel like self-harming, pick out an activity from the list & do that, or a couple of the activities from your list, until the urge passes. But, really, this is something you should get professional help with. There can be serious long-term consequences for hitting or banging your head.

I am currently do this myself three days ago I begin to get dizzy and has a bad headache!

Hi Moomoocows, I suffer in a similar way. When I have arguments with loved ones I can become extremly distressed and emotional about it. I don't know if my attitude changes when I'm going "into one" of those moods and then the argument comes from that, or if the emotional response comes solely from the argument. I do then often feel like I'm shaking profusely and get pins and needles sensations in my face. I feel utterly overwhelmed by anger, disappointment, sadness and fear. I become so overwhelmed at points that I know there needs to be a massive release of some sort to return to a more normal (whatever that is!) and natural calmed state. Inevitably I have found that after some time of distress with no let up I somehow subconsciously decide that I need to release the negative energy and that's when in past situations I have self harmed through punching myself repeatedly as hard as I can. I have punched myself all over my legs and head and face before. Afterwards I am left feeling some relief from the overwhelming emotions, however, I am left feeling very ashamed and I feel really down on myself and depressed (not to mention exhausted) In my search for an answer to stopping this compulsive behaviour I have realised that my being ashamed and afraid of behaving that way just adds to ill feeling about myself and perpetuate the negative cycles. It is terribly embarrassing when I come round from such episodes, as I am aware of how similar to a childs temper tantrum they are! I also feel disappointed in myself for not being able to just stop it. I've decided at this point in my life that what I need is to truly love myself and hating that part of me is not helpful. I am still trying to accomplish this. We all have different sides to us and I need to learn to love the dark AND the light sides of myself. I decided and promised myself that no matter what I must at least TRY to find solutions because giving up on myself simply isn't an option! This is my first sharing of this issue with anyone other than my husband, but I had to let you know that you aren't the only one.

I just want to thank you for sharing this. I find it interesting that your username is Ying and Yang (light and dark) and that you discuss this in your post. I'm currently coming to terms with my mental health issues (GAD and depression), trying not to hate myself, because this just makes it worse. I punch myself in the head to deal with moments that are too frustrating to let go of in any other way. But I need to find another way that isn't damaging to my body. I've been suffering from tinnitus and being a musician, this really sucks. Anyway, I found for your post and made an account just to reply and say thank you, I feel inspired to be more loving of myself. I think I'm self-punishing on many levels, I don't desire sex or even self-love (masturbation) at all anymore, I don't know if that's something that is connected to self-harm. Thanks again for sharing. Am going to look into this more. Best, AK x

I am looking for better coping skills myself!

I'm sorry that you are struggling right now! You are not alone!

Are there any coping skills for head banger?

My diagnosis are borderline personality disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety disorder and bulimia btw

I've done this in the past, my explanation for my actions was that I was attempting to make a conversation-piece or look tough the next time I was in public. Guys with bruises on their face do tend to attract women occasionally. This doesn't seem to explain why you do it, but I figured I'd share

I completely understand!

I have this problem as well. It stems from bad upbringing and undiagnosed disorders (I'm pretty sure). One accident leads to another and feels like a jolt to my nerves where suddenly I can't function or focus and my nerves feel like they're about to explode. Before I know it, I've had one to five spastic problems on top of each other which causes extreme frustration and rage, then the punching starts. I repeatedly punch the side of my face until exhaustion. What's worse it the embarrassment of being heard or caught which makes me hate myself even more. This leads to more self-abuse. Days like that, all I can do to avoid having an awful day is go to sleep.

I'm sorry that you are struggling right now! You are not alone!