Punching/hitting as self injury

Although I know there is another thread with the same subject, I decided to start a new one because I felt that some of the messages in the other thread were condoning hitting yourself/punching yourself, which I believe it should be considered on the same level as cutting, ie: it is self harm.

I guess I am mostly seeking advice and also wondering if anyone else has this issue. Unfortunately, I am also a cutter, so essentially I have issues with self-harm. And I am very ashamed about this and would not disclose this to anyone but this private forum.

When I am really really upset, disconnected, and having what I call an "episode" I sometimes get very very angry (usually at myself or how I am feeling) and I will repeatedly punch myself in the head with fists very hard. It is really horrible and I always feel awful afterwards and dizzy. Unfortunately, last night I did this for quite sometime. I finally stopped when I really scared my partner and he held me down. All day today my head has felt sort of murky, bad headache and after some Advil, it still kind of aches. I am sure it is just sore from what I did. I did some research online and it seems you can't really cause a concussion or anything, although I think the emotional effects are really terrible. Perhaps it was due to my episode and issue last night, which was really awful and I won't go into it, but I have felt very out of it all day. Unable to focus or think clearly at work. (I did not want to come in, but that's another story)

I guess I was just wondering if anyone that has Borderline Personality Disorder or anyone else, do you sometimes have these reactions also? It is unfortunately something I have done ever since I was a teenager. Often it was related to a very intense emotionally abusive fight or argument with someone, where I became extremely upset.

In addition, when I am so upset and revved up and out of sorts, what should I do? I was told to use a rubber band on my wrist and snap it. I don't want to be inappropriate but I did that method before and after my head punching and now my wrist is really bruised and swollen, so apparently that is not the best method either.

Any help, advice, or similar experiences would be helpful. Thank you.

Hello, Moomoocows. I think I have roughly similar experiences:
My Recent Bad Day
Fragile, Discouraged
Opinion Request: My "Major Episodes"

My diagnoses include major depression (unipolar) and general anxiety disorder. I have not been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, nor do I engage in any common SI behaviors.

We are not alone.

I don't do the punching but I do hit my hands if I get upset. For example last year this nurse ignored me and falsely accused me of falling in love with her. Anyway I began scratching and hitting both my hands. Still have the scars.

My brother hits himself in the face until he has black eyes and such... I scratch and pinch and hit very hard objects.

I know someone who does something similar to that, but he doesn't go until he's bruised; he just does it a few times, then manages to get his emotions under control.
Different story for me--if I'm going to hit/punch myself, or do that to something that can hurt me, I'm going all-in. I'll bruise myself, cut myself, or basically do anything that leaves a long-lasting mark on my body. I don't recommend doing it to that extreme, but if absolutely necessary, try to find a different way to cope. That's what my therapist told me, but it doesn't work for me. It might work for you, but then again, you're different than I am.

Hello moomoocows: Yes. I have a history of head hitting and head banging. And I want to warn you... as a result of my relentless head banging (more-so than hitting, I believe) I now have Meniere's Disease which is a condition of the inner ear and tinnitus (constant ringing in the ears.) These conditions can be managed but not cured. I also have had a detached retina in one eye which I suspect was related to my self-harm activities.

There's more to be concerned about when you talk about head hitting / banging than concussions. So I would like to strongly recommend that, if you are not already receiving help for this, you do so. Over the long haul, there can be some really difficult consequences.

You mentioned that you tried the rubber band idea. Another thing I've heard suggested is to make a list of things you really like to do. Then when you feel like self-harming, pick out an activity from the list & do that, or a couple of the activities from your list, until the urge passes. But, really, this is something you should get professional help with. There can be serious long-term consequences for hitting or banging your head.

Hi Moomoocows, I suffer in a similar way. When I have arguments with loved ones I can become extremly distressed and emotional about it. I don't know if my attitude changes when I'm going "into one" of those moods and then the argument comes from that, or if the emotional response comes solely from the argument. I do then often feel like I'm shaking profusely and get pins and needles sensations in my face. I feel utterly overwhelmed by anger, disappointment, sadness and fear. I become so overwhelmed at points that I know there needs to be a massive release of some sort to return to a more normal (whatever that is!) and natural calmed state. Inevitably I have found that after some time of distress with no let up I somehow subconsciously decide that I need to release the negative energy and that's when in past situations I have self harmed through punching myself repeatedly as hard as I can. I have punched myself all over my legs and head and face before. Afterwards I am left feeling some relief from the overwhelming emotions, however, I am left feeling very ashamed and I feel really down on myself and depressed (not to mention exhausted) In my search for an answer to stopping this compulsive behaviour I have realised that my being ashamed and afraid of behaving that way just adds to ill feeling about myself and perpetuate the negative cycles. It is terribly embarrassing when I come round from such episodes, as I am aware of how similar to a childs temper tantrum they are! I also feel disappointed in myself for not being able to just stop it. I've decided at this point in my life that what I need is to truly love myself and hating that part of me is not helpful. I am still trying to accomplish this. We all have different sides to us and I need to learn to love the dark AND the light sides of myself. I decided and promised myself that no matter what I must at least TRY to find solutions because giving up on myself simply isn't an option! This is my first sharing of this issue with anyone other than my husband, but I had to let you know that you aren't the only one.

My diagnosis are borderline personality disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety disorder and bulimia btw

I just want to thank you for sharing this. I find it interesting that your username is Ying and Yang (light and dark) and that you discuss this in your post. I'm currently coming to terms with my mental health issues (GAD and depression), trying not to hate myself, because this just makes it worse. I punch myself in the head to deal with moments that are too frustrating to let go of in any other way. But I need to find another way that isn't damaging to my body. I've been suffering from tinnitus and being a musician, this really sucks. Anyway, I found for your post and made an account just to reply and say thank you, I feel inspired to be more loving of myself. I think I'm self-punishing on many levels, I don't desire sex or even self-love (masturbation) at all anymore, I don't know if that's something that is connected to self-harm. Thanks again for sharing. Am going to look into this more. Best, AK x

I've done this in the past, my explanation for my actions was that I was attempting to make a conversation-piece or look tough the next time I was in public. Guys with bruises on their face do tend to attract women occasionally. This doesn't seem to explain why you do it, but I figured I'd share

I have this problem as well. It stems from bad upbringing and undiagnosed disorders (I'm pretty sure). One accident leads to another and feels like a jolt to my nerves where suddenly I can't function or focus and my nerves feel like they're about to explode. Before I know it, I've had one to five spastic problems on top of each other which causes extreme frustration and rage, then the punching starts. I repeatedly punch the side of my face until exhaustion. What's worse it the embarrassment of being heard or caught which makes me hate myself even more. This leads to more self-abuse. Days like that, all I can do to avoid having an awful day is go to sleep.

I'm more of a wall puncher. I too si by cutting... but when I get overwhealmed and have to 'reboot' as I consider it... inanimate objects are fair game.

I can appreciate that it can be (I've been told) intimidating to others... but there is no 'actual agreesion'... especially not towards another.. my brain just blocks and I desperately need some sort of release to unblock it.

This is, unfortunately, a somewhat common occurrence for me if/when I'm manic or really angry. I have gotten better with it over time. It's definitely not something I want to do. I've got scarring on multiple knuckles and I don't really want more.

Just google searched hitting myself after a recent episode and groggy aftermath. I greatly appreciate the post and am more relaxed (I guess) to know I'm not alone. I hit myself because I want to die and I hate myself so I do t se the point in taking care of myself at all anymore. It's pretty sad I guess but I don't know any different. I've been hitting myself and pulling my hair since I was a child right where my mother would hit me. I guess I figure I'm not good enough for love so I hit myself just hoping I'll cause some damage and finally get the hell out of here. After I have an episode I am also groggy and my head can't be touched it's always so tender. Not sure what to do anymore so I'm looking into therapists but it's come to my conclusion that I won't really get what I need from some rando. All I know is they tell me I'm depressed and have anxiety but do depressed people scratch their bodies on the reg, hit themselves to die, slam their head into doors, get overwhelmed with technology that become physically angry and destroy it? I'm sure that depressed people do some of those things hit I think my anger has something to do with my negative reactions. I'm just scared to let people know other my my boyfriend and mother.

Good god, this is incredibly familiar, down to calling it an "episode".

I don't have a personality disorder, but I used to SH in the same way. I actually took to cutting to stop it, but I would respond in the same way when massively overwhelmed. I would have headaches and bruises the next day, and often would look like I got beat up. Usually it would be related to self-directed anger and shame for me, or a feeling of being totally out of control.

I started doing it several years ago due to overwhelming stress and frustration. I call it an attack or an episode, too.

I have Borderline Traits, Depression, PTSD, and I think ADHD and ROCD but that was not diagnosed as I've stopped going to therapists and take Cymbalta. I also have digestive issues and joint pain/arthritis, something auto immune the doctor can't figure out.

Honestly, so much of this could simply be triggered by diet, but I don't have the discipline to control the diet- gluten free, non processed, etc... Also I have severe environmental allergies.

Also, nobody knows about the SH except those closest to me and on here. Of course I feel ashamed.

I haven't done this since I was in my early twenties, and my depression was at its absolute worst.
I used to hit myself in the temples with my fists, so hard, over and over again... I'd see lights, and get massive headaches, & feel dizzy. I also used to beat my upper thighs, until my thighs were a mass of black bruising for days.
My trigger was feeling so incredibly angry and enraged....and yet feeling completely and totally helpless to express it or have my concerns taken seriously.
Now I'm more apt to punch my desk or a wall, on the rare occasions I feel that way. I think I've just completely sublimated it somehow.
I don't think anyone in my family knew I was doing that. My current husband does, because we tell each other stuff.

I am diagnosed with BPD and GAD. I hit myself with fists, open hands, I pull my hair and sometimes I scratch myself.. for the longest time I didn’t even consider my actions self harm until recently. I am an exotic dancer and I can’t have visible bruises and scratches visible all the time so I usually punch myself on my head where I have hair.. sometimes my face (open and closed fists).. I only recently started hitting myself in the last few months but I’ve always had a tendency to scratch my self or pull my hair.. I’m so embarrassed of my episodes and they don’t even make me feel better.. it makes me feel worse and then I continue to beat myself and it’s a vicious cycle. It takes a while for me to calm down and I feel it’s becoming much for my boyfriend. I scream and hysterically cry and sometimes it’s over absolutely nothing. I’m not on antidepressants and haven’t been in years because the last time I was taking them, my anxiety led me to a nervous breakdown. So now I self medicate with pot or Xanax occasionally not often.. the Xanax seems to help the most but I don’t condone taking something without a prescription.... my emotions and feelings just get so intense and overwhelming my chest feels crazy and endorphins feel whacked.. I just had an episode and that’s what brought me to this website.. wanting to talk to others experiencing the same. My boyfriend tries to be understanding and he is at times but sometimes he gets impatient with my and it makes my episodes worse. I think a lot of it stems from parental issues and problems I have with my parents but I just can’t seems to overcome these habits.. sorry if I posted in the wrong place but I’m new here..

I used to do this from about middle school age up through my early twenties. Sometimes I would give myself nosebleeds. I can't remember the last time I had an episode but it's been years. However, I am worried about the long-term health problems I may have from what I used to do. I already know I gave myself/worsened TMJ disorder because of it and have had a chronic neck ache since I was 23. I'm hoping that's the worst of it but I'm not so sure.

I would advice anybody who is still doing this to get some kind of help. There are other ways to deal with your anger/emotions than self-harm.

I’m glad this thread resurfaced, and I see my post from when I first came here.

I only briefly did this during a period in my life of incredible stress from an unfixable struggle over intimacy in my marriage. I stopped the SH completely and am now getting divorced.

I haven’t cried in over a month now and I have no desire at all to SH!

Diet, shmiet, the solution was to lose 175 pounds...my husband!

I use to bash my head on the basement walls or ceramic sinks at work or the granite counter(the granite hurt and caused the most damage).

I did not need much as this was painful and did the job quicker than burning or cutting. It calmed me down fast because well when you bang your brain you get a little lethargic.

I have not had to do that in over a year but the urge comes on bad when overwhelmed with frustrating emotions or self hatred comes on.

I used to hit and bang my head hard as an escape for my anxiety issues and stressful school work 5 years back.
Now the urge is back again. I wanted to full on crash my head into the wall but couldn't have the guts to do it and that makes me feel worse. I still end up doing it but there is not enough impact to make my head feel very painful or to induce some sort of concussion/memory loss.

I don't hit my head, but I punch my own arms or hit my arm against a hard edge like a counter or wall corner.
It's something I do much more impulsively in the moment if I'm frustrated or upset with myself, unlike cutting which requires at least some planning, being at home, and cleanup. That makes it a lot harder to quit.

When I get really angry, I punch myself in the head hard. Sometimes only once out of frustration, but I mostly hit multiple times until I'm almost knocked out. I see black spots and feel foggy for awhile. I think that I do it because I want to stop what I'm feeling emotionally. I also feel like if I knock myself out, I can't hurt the person I love anymore. Hope this helps, even though it sucks, it's kind of nice to know that I'm not the only one who does this.

I do it because I hate myself. Pure, undistilled loathing. I just lost my gf. She just...didn't want me anymore. And of course, I blame myself because everyone leaves in the end. And this time, I was the cause of it for some unknown reasons. So this lead me to not only raging out and hitting myself, but doing so at 80 mph an hour down the interstate. My hands shake as I type that. I realize how dangerous that was, and in the very center of that rage, I didn't care. Make me lose my gf, mofo? That was the one thought I had. I really feel a rather strange urge to seperate myself from this other half of me and use pronouns other than "myself," that's how badly I loathe myself.

Feels even stranger to find some others who also feel that this is a form of self-harm.