[EloquentlyBuilt]

I haven't cut in... I don't know how long, it's been less than a month I think but longer than 2 weeks, but last night I had a dream about cutting.

I remember pretty much nothing except looking at my arms (in my dream) and seeing my arms laced from the first knuckle of my fingers all the way up to my shoulders with thick pink/red scars and long thin silver scars.

I loved it.

My arms would probably look like that if I didn't mind being committed to long sleeves, and it's something I've been tempted to do time and time again. I loved how the scars looked, how they felt, and how they scattered my skin.
This dream felt like it was only a split second long though.

When I woke up I had such an urge to draw blood and split skin, so much so that my hands were already a little sweaty and I could already feel adrenaline flooding my veins. Every time I closed my eyes and just tried to take a deep breath, all I could see was split skin and blood. It sounds weird, but it was like I could almost taste it.

Just thinking about it again is making my hands shake and my heart race.

Has anyone else ever had a dream like this? One that haunts you after you wake up?

Or, do you know why this happened?

(I haven't done anything to myself yet, I changed my bracelets- put more on- and cut a bunch of old paper into small pieces)

[moodycow]

i am happy that you cut the paper and not yourself and i really like your user name.

[Sam2]

Are you really sure you like the way the scars look, or is it just something you are telling yourself. That may sound harsh, but ask yourself anyway.

I'm glad you haven't cut in a while. Cutting is just a coping mechanism, but like all self destructive coping mechanisms, there comes a time when it no longer works. There is nothing good that can come from cutting. I did it for years. You get older, have scars you can't get rid of and sometimes an addiction that you can no longer control.

I know it helps temporarily, but not for long. You sound like you enjoy your artwork. Can you put your energy on paper? Your pain and frustration? Your art is something you can carry with you for life and don't have to hide. Life can be hard and unfair. Don't let it beat you down.

Sam2