Too much

I can't take it anymore!!!!!!! So much is expected of me, on top of being close to a mental breakdown. I have a list to do and between wanting to SI and addiction, nothing is getting done, and its all my fault. I just want to hide..... and escape from memories that have no words to describe. I can't even escape. .. its all in my head.

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Take a deep breath. The only expectations you need to live up to are your own.
Prioritize things. You know that SI and other addictions aren't going to help. They may give you temporary relief, but it just makes the problem worse.

Addictions, including SI are sneaky. They let you think you are in control of them, when in fact its the other way around. By the time you figure it out, its too late. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.

Not everything is your fault. You may have made some mistakes, but you can't punish yourself for doing what seemed the right thing at the time, or for feeling bad. Having been a cutter for years, (I quit two years ago after more than three decades of doing it), all it does it take what self esteem you have left. I'm not a therapist or psycho analyst, but I believe its a form of dissociation. At least during the event. Its a coping skill that has out lived its usefulness and now just causes problems. Can you write or draw your feelings in a journal? Its not illegal to draw even the most hideous and vengeful pictures and it helps let the anger and what ever else you feel go out through your pencil or pen.

sam2

I have anther session later this afternoon. and right now, I just want to get everything out.. In the last 24 hours I've been wanting to use. I know its temporary but it seems like the best option. I'm just trying to keep together before my class, and then I can do what I need to to just release these emotions that haunt me. Even yoga, this morning, brought up memories.