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#1
Mar 19, 2014, 05:13 PM
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I feel like i've opened the door for more self harm with my relapse. Like i already did it once, why not six more times? And I can't stop thinking about killing myself even thought i'm too apathetic to actually do anything. I wanna slash my wrists but i know it won't kill me so i just sit here like an ***. I keep having suicidal fantasies in my head.. zoning out. This is getting worse.
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Schizoaffective - Bipolar Type Lithium, 300mg Prozac 20mg Geodon, 160mg.  
Last edited by notz; Mar 20, 2014 at 12:25 AM. Reason: added trigger icon for mention of suicide; may be trigger to others |
 Metalsauce, StarStrike, tealBumblebee
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#2
Mar 20, 2014, 05:40 AM
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It seems like you need help rite now. Do you have a T or a pdoc you can talk to about this?
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#3
Mar 20, 2014, 08:29 AM
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I've got a psychiatrist but I don't see him til monday so i've gotta hold on for afew more days. I know he's going to inpatient me and my family is very against that because they always drug me up so bad.
__________________
Schizoaffective - Bipolar Type Lithium, 300mg Prozac 20mg Geodon, 160mg.
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#4
Mar 20, 2014, 09:58 AM
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You're not a bad person because you've relapsed. I've been exactly where you are right now. If you want to talk, about anything at all, please message me. And in the meantime, stay safe even if you do SI 6 more times. You are a wonderful, beautiful person.
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#5
Mar 20, 2014, 02:08 PM
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Thank you metalsauce I always forget how amazing I really am. The depressiion makes me think i'm worthless. I kept safe for now. Still only did one despite how bad I wanna do more. My buddy is keeping an eye on me and told me i'm not allowed to cut anymore >.< which is fine I can do this.
__________________
Schizoaffective - Bipolar Type Lithium, 300mg Prozac 20mg Geodon, 160mg.
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#6
Mar 20, 2014, 05:34 PM
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I found some pills :X my situation just escalated very quickly. I didn't take them. But i want to. I've just got this concert i really want to go to tonight so maybe i'll kill myself tomorrow haha!!
__________________
Schizoaffective - Bipolar Type Lithium, 300mg Prozac 20mg Geodon, 160mg.
Last edited by notz; Mar 21, 2014 at 09:34 PM. Reason: added trigger icon for mention of suicide; may be trigger to others |
| StarStrike
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#7
Mar 21, 2014, 02:16 AM
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Is there anyone you can give the pills to?
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#8
Mar 21, 2014, 02:58 AM
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No. Then I wouldn't get them back. I'm not going to take them all. I only took six or so.
__________________
Schizoaffective - Bipolar Type Lithium, 300mg Prozac 20mg Geodon, 160mg.
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#9
Mar 21, 2014, 07:33 AM
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I completely understand how you feel. In fact, a few months ago I even remember thinking to myself that if I ever relapsed I would "ride it out" and just keep going since, you know, I started anyways.
I did end up relapsing last month, but then I realized that relapse just turned into a reminder of how bad SI actually is. It's hard, but it really helps if you can even just *try* to change your mindset. Don't think of the relapse as an excuse to keep going, but as a reminder of how much guilt and shame SI brings, and why you stopped in the first place. - AJ Last edited by grey_aj; Mar 21, 2014 at 07:34 AM. Reason: grammar |
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