[Side2Side]

I would be embarrassed but no one noticed, I hid it well. A few weeks ago I drank a lot and got in a bad emotional state, took the paring knife and slashed up the right side of my chest. Must have cut across at least 40 times :-( fortunatley the knife was pretty dull so the cuts weren't too deep, there's a small amount of scarring but nothing too bad. Feel like such a fool for doing it. My gf hasn't noticed and im hoping it stays that way, i decided not to discuss this with pdoc for fear of being sectioned. I had to tell someone though, i dont think i would get any kind of response from people in my life that would help but couldn't keep it to myself. I want to talk to my gf about it but her grandad just died of lung cancer and i dont want to put further stress on her. Now its mostly healed up i think i would like to leave it in the past and move on but there is a lot of stress in my life right now and im worried it will happen again. Thanks for listening PC.

[x_BabyG_x]

Glad you posted and got a little bit of it off your chest (literally!). I relapsed for the first time in years last year, and I found the easiest way to deal with it was to forgive myself. We focus too much on the negative with stuff like this, so you had a bad relapse ONCE but how about all the times before that you resisted and overall come the urges? Count your stars and be proud of them! In the kindest way possible I truly believe that episodes like this could be a good thing... It highlights our growth and reminds us of how far we have come and how strong we are; how have you developed as a person to deal with the situation at present compared to how you would have dealt with it back when you was SI'ing? Of course you are worried it will happen again, but you now have the experience of resisting all those years and overcoming it. You can do this, a moment of weakness triggered by stress in your life and under the influence of alcohol is merely a blip - not a setback. So congrats for the years you have resisted, we are very proud of you. In the meantime, can you find a way to deal with the stresses that triggered it?

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[Side2Side]

Thanks for the reply it was very reassuring :-). The stresses that lead to it will pass in time (family issues) but I will stay strong until they do. Thanks again :-)

[x_BabyG_x]

Well if you ever struggle with that urge again I'm sure we can do our best to help you through it! Take care x

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We all have bad days.............. it just was a bad day.

Hopefully you get to enjoy a long-string of good days now.