Struggling

I'm sitting in the parking lot at my job getting ready to start my day. I've been struggling a lot this week. Trying to cope the best I can. Feeling really self destructive. I want to hurt myself so bad. I cancelled my therapy appt because I'm sick and can barely talk. Feeling really pathetic and like a piece of trash right now.

sorry to hear you are struggling that badly.

But I have a feeling you are not pathetic. You have a job. That means they WANT you as an employee. Thus you must have some value to that company. Thus, you can not be pathetic.

And dispite your depression - you got up, you got dressed and drove to work. That shows some character. Because I know how hard it is to go to work when you are feeling dark.

I hope you look in your mirror and see the person that GOD loves. Just as you are. Just as you are.

Woke up from a crazy dream, it's 3am. I'm under so much stress right now, have a lot going on emotionally. I'm so tired. Physically and emotionally I feel like I'm getting close to my breaking point. That scares me. I don't know if I'll be able to move forward. I have some difficult times ahead, I can sense it. I wish I didn't feel like punishing myself. Why?

I am here if you need to talk......................

Anytime.

Sounds like you are going through a tough time When can you next see your T? Someone professional may be really helpful right now when you feel everything is too hard. What have you done to deserve that kind of punishment? I bet its nothing worth hurting yourself over.

I can't seem to pick myself up from this one. It's been a whole week and it feels worse. I feel so negative. I have T tomorrow and I'm just stuck in my negativity, i feel like I'm going to do something really stupid. Truth is i really need help and I'm scared to ask for it. I keep trying to think about all the consequences i will have to face if anybody were to find out - if i did follow through. It's not even worth it. Still, i feel miserable. I wish i could just lay here in bed all day and not face the world. I just want to dissapear. I want these feelings to pass. I hope i can muster up some courage tomorrow and be honest with my T. I just feel so worthless and like everybody hates me. I don't know why. Everybody at work kept asking me what was wrong today. I couldn't even hide it. I feel like everybody knows. I hate feeling like this, like everybody is watching me and waiting. I can't mess up. I need to be 100% and I'm so scared that i won't be able to keep it together much longer. I feel like i might break down at any given moment. It is the worst feeling ever.