Last night was a blur. I know I was very upset over my Facebook account being hacked and lots of people there accusing me of doing things I know I didn't do.
Then I was in the shower.....I started cutting. It helped some but I feel I need more. I'm disgusting....

[smmath]

You are NOT disgusting. You had something happen, you and you dealt with it.

[Frankbtl]

Calista, NO you're NOT disgusting!!!!! It was the only/best way you knew how to handle the situation at the time, right? And you're still in pain, but we're right here for you.
And as for the people accusing you of things, well they are really not worth your time or attention. What do they know???!!!
You're way better than their comments, just remember that!!
And if you want to talk more..............
Alison

you are not disgusting..... you were upset because someone chose to do something pretty mean to you.

I think you being upset is perfectly understandable.

I hope you are feeling better today and that you are SAFE.

I'm still wanting to do more damage. I feel so much hatred at myself. I always seem to be the "poor me...victim". It makes me sick.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Calista, your feelings of hurt/pain......are real, and that's all that matters so don't "beat yourself up" over the way you're feeling. It sounds like you've had a really hard time and some of the people around you haven't helped with that.
Now needing help/support/feeling down or depressed doesn't need to make you a "victim", doesn't have to mean that you're a "victim" it just means that things are hard for you.
And we're here for you, and we really want to help you with what you're going through.
You deserve help, you don't deserve to feel the self-hatred. You matter!!
Please allow yourself to see yourself that way. And anyone who gives you the impression that you don't matter well it's them who doesn't matter!!!
Alison

[jacq10]

You are NOT disgusting. You are brave and strong and doing the best that you can with the resources you have. I know it's hard, but try and be gentle with yourself and show yourself the compassion that I'm sure you would show others.

As my favourite poem says, "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees or stars"

Please reach out to those that care about you... even if they don't know about the SI, it's good to be around people that we love.

Gentle hugs,
Jacq

[ShiningLight]

You know the accusations are wrong. You said so. Hold on to that certainty, feel the strength of your conviction. Deep down, you have strength. Cutting is the best strategy for coping that you have right now. But there are others. Until you internalize other defences, don't berate yourself for the ones you have. They show your strength and will to defend yourself against difficult situations. Hang in there!

TRIGGER WARNING

After being called a "sick *****, I set out to prove him correct. I'm a mess. I cut my wrists, legs and neck and took too many ambien and klonopin with a whiskey chaser. If nothing else, I'll sleep well. If something else happens, I'm all right with that. A person can only take so much hurt until they break. I am broken.

I have no intention of telling my T and if my H finds out, that's just tough. If I'm such a sick ***** then he should expect the sick ***** act. I feel nothing but rage and indifference. I'm just giving him what he claims I am. Hope he's happy.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Calistsa, just because he says you're..........doesn't make it true, what does he really know??!! He really isn't worth it!!!
So if you can't talk to him and you don't want to talk to your T, can you contact a help/crisis line??
You deserve help with what you're going through, don't let yourself believe anything other!!
Alison

Thank you but I'll be fine. I don't trust talking to a crisis line.(I'm not in crisis)

You (me) have to care in order to get more help. I don't care any more.

[ShiningLight]

You don't have to care. You've done enough caring. It's okay to take a break. Let us care in your place for a bit. ****!!!!!