[jacq10]

Without much of preamble, last night I ended up going to emerg and got 5 stitches for a cut.

As I woke up this morning I could feel the pain from the incision and could feel the bruises surrounding the stitches.

YET, here I lay wanting more. Wanting to do another nice clean slice next to the one I did yesterday so that I can go back and re-live the events from yesterday????? What the hell is wrong with me! Yesterday was horrible! I waited 5 hours just to be seen! I have too much to do and certainly don't have extra time to waste at the ER.

However, here I fight the urges to SI again.

I'm going to leave my house and go try and do some work at a coffee shop in an attempt to distract myself long enough that these feelings will pass.

Sigh.

I hope you find a way past the urge.

I know how sometimes you can feel like "a bit more" would be what you need. But you and I both know that if the first session of cutting did not solve your urge - there is no logical reason why a second session would help.

Vigorous exercise. Meditation. Ice pack on your forehead. Soaking your hands in ice water..... All these things have helped me in the past.

Best wishes to you.

[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry to hear you are still struggling today. Like useless me said, it's not going to get better with more injury. Did you say you had a t? It might be helpful to try to touch base with him or her today. Distraction is good, but yesterday you said you had wanted to talk to someone. It may be a good time to reach out and talk to someone. I know it's "just cutting" but if you constantly end up needing stitches, it could easily end up being a lot worse than you intended. Can you maybe call a crisis line if you don't have a t or they are not available? You could also just walk in to the er and ask to speak with a social worker without needing medical attention. I know it's another huge chunk of time, but it may be well worth it in the long run... try to be safe ok?

[jacq10]

Originally Posted by MdngtRain

You could also just walk in to the er and ask to speak with a social worker without needing medical attention. I know it's another huge chunk of time, but it may be well worth it in the long run... try to be safe ok?

Thats a really good idea. I might consider that. The only thing holding me back would be that they would "commit" me, EVEN THOUGH I understand that they can't do that unless they think I'm in immediate threat of killing myself. I would just be scared they would blur lines between wanting to cut vs. wanting to die.

Thanks guys... really...

[Mike_J]

I hope you start feeling better, but I have to ask how did you avoid ending up in the psych hospital. Everyone I know that went to the ER for stitches from SI ending up being locked up.

[jacq10]

It depends on where you live Mike_J, in Canada they can't hold you unless you are threatening serious harm to yourself (suicide) or others.

[Victoria'smom]

Mike it depends on the evaluator and your ability to talk your way out of things.

[ThisWayOut]

mike, it has totally depended on the evaluator for me. There were some people that understood that self-injury was "just" a coping mechanism, and there were others that thought a few small scrapes were a suicide attempt. I think it depends on their education/familiarity with self-injury, rigors of the day, how often you show up, and (sadly enough) your disgnosis...

jacq, did you get a chance to talk to anyone today? how'd the rest of your day go?

[jacq10]

6 more stitches

The doctors were more intense this time around and interviewed me and even took my blood to make sure I hadn't taken any drugs to try and kill myself

[Idiot17]

i have nothing to say since i'm in the same place. hope you stay safe.
((((((jacq))))))

[smmath]

How was this experience? Did it help you at all?

[ThisWayOut]

i'm sorry hon. did you get to talk to anyone?

Try to stay safe jacq, I know how hard it is I hope today will be a better day for you

(((((((Jacq)))))))

I hope you are SAFE now.

[jacq10]

Thanks for the support ((((((everyone)))))

The doctor that I saw this time was actually pretty great, and he and I had a nice chat while he gave me my stitches. It didn't feel like an interrogation, more like a conversation, and he didn't make me feel stupid. I also saw my family GP today and she was just lovely... I feel so fortunate to have her on my side.

I'm having a better day today fortunately... hung out with my friend at her cottage by the ocean.. it was very peaceful.

Here's to staying out of the ER for another day

Thanks again,
Jacq