[Angelornot]

So I am continuing to dream about losing my best friend (basically the one person I thought wouldn't leave me) and every time I think about it I just think how alone I am. my dad is bugging me about getting a second job so I can pay him rent. I can barely handle one job I get too stressed. The thought of college and rent and all makes me so anxious I think about suicide as an alternative to a future that I see going no where. I don't think I'd make it through college. The more I think about it, the more I think I have no future at all. That I'll end up homeless or always dependent on someone's charity. I don't think I can contribute to anything and I hate being alone. I keep questioning why I'm alive. I keep getting mad and wanting to cut myself or worse. When I try to sleep I daydream about self harm. When I watch TV I'm mostly thinking about self harm. somehow everything seems to remind me of it. I have no one to talk to and I need a therapist so bad. my parents wont get me one. I probably need to get back on meds because more and more I am depressed, even when I have no reason at all. I think the only reason I'm alive is I'm uncertain what happens after death, and scared I'll fail. Also the last time I tried to kill myself is still so vivid it terrifies me. That resulted in two months of torturous "treatment" half of which I spent in a completely empty room wearing nothing but a paper gown sleeping on the floor and not allowed to talk to anyone. I cant go through that I cant face my future I don't know what to do I don't even know. I don't know.

I'm sorry things are so rough right now for you you hang in there

[Idiot17]

((((hugs)))))

(assuming you live in USA).....

Can you call your county social services and see if your county offers FREE mental health services to people with limited income?? I know that most of the people in my DBT class are getting some/all of their therapy paid for by the county.

[Angelornot]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

(assuming you live in USA).....

Can you call your county social services and see if your county offers FREE mental health services to people with limited income?? I know that most of the people in my DBT class are getting some/all of their therapy paid for by the county.

I didn't even think of that. Thank you.