[gon3withth3wend]

It has been about one year and one month since the very last time I cut. I have seen this as a triumph as I have "beat/quit self harm". However, instead of cutting I've started doing many other self-destructive things. I dig my fingers into my skin when I'm upset or overwhelmed. I got and punch myself with similar feelings. Today I had sort of an emotional blackout where I remember biting myself but not scratching my arm so deep that skin breaks and it burns to wash my hands or rub my arm against my sheets. I cut high enough on my arm that I could wear 3/4 sleeves, but my new scratches are on my wrist, and while they aren't cuts I'm nervous because they are big and raw. I am coming to terms with the idea that I have not beat self harm yet. I've actually come up with several discreet ways to cause myself pain throughout the day because I'm always on edge. Anyone else have experience with this kind of self harm? Do you ever get rid of that need to hurt yourself? Do other people black out where they don't remember hurting themselves? I'm so embarrassed.... I'm a grown girl and threw a tantrum like a baby. I just don't understand how people can get a hold of their emotions

[kaliope]

yes, you have to admit it, you are still self harming, just in more creative ways. anything that causes pain or injury is considered self harm. don't judge yourself too harshly though, it is a hard habit to kick. I haven't self harmed in about seven years but I still think about it more often than I care to admit. I cant believe how often it pops into my head. it shocks me cause its been so long. but it is a coping skill and until we learn a new way to cope it will always be there. take care.