Not sure where to put this: Hospital Assessment

Considering this last week with the hospital, I am extremely cautious about going back to the hospital again and self harming.

However, I really do think that right now I need a higher level of the care I'm getting right now (1x week IOP group, 2x therapy with 2 different therapists). Because of my husband's schedule and my kids' school schedules, the hospital IOP schedules would work best for me.

But I'm really worried that I would go in for an assessment for IOP, and then they would try to put me back inpatient because of my SH/SI. Is anyone familiar with going in for an assessment rather than being directly admitted to inpatient from the ER?

I'm not really familiar with this but I think if it's needed then you just gotta do it you've been struggling for a long time

Thanks. I haven't been feeling like myself the past few days, feeling really distant, quiet, and tearful. My T made a comment about it and asked if I think it's a sign of something. I'm not sure if it's just from being in the hospital last week or what.

(((((((Amy)))))))))

I'm sorry things are so difficult right now. You know yourself best, and know what you need. Trust your gut and try to be gentle with yourself

Thanks for replying. I'm going to discuss it with my therapist next week when I see him, and get his opinion on it.

My psychologist told me that if I ever needed to go into the hospital he could get me into a good one that I wouldn't need to go through an ER. If you feel like you need hospitalization ask if your therapist can help get you somewhere.

My therapist has offered to admit me before, but this is only about intensive outpatient therapy and not inpatient.

Being extremely cautious lasted all of 5 days. I didn't exactly "cut" today, but scraped the inner parts of my incision like how the doctors were doing it last month. I'm sure that would still fall under self harm, so I'm not about to tell my T about it.

What caused you to do that?

I just got frustrated (again) that the doctors don't want to do anything other than put gauze on it everyday. And I knew it was numb from the lidocaine the doctor put on it, so I just took a knife to it to scrape it and watch it bleed.

Aww, I'm sorry you did that. Can you talk to your T about what made you do it and not what you actually did?

I'm not sure how I could mention it without telling him what I did. He told me that if I even pick at my incision then he'll be forced to recommend the hospitalization.

Do you think that hospitalization will help you? Maybe that is what you need.

What do you mean by "recommend" hospitalization?

I just got out of the hospital 10 days ago, and we've talked about the possibility of me having to go back in the near future. "Recommend" was my Ts words, but he meant he would try to admit me again.

I really can't go back inpatient any time soon because my best friend's wedding is coming up in a month and I'm a bridesmaid. I just won't mention messing with the incision to anyone.

Okay, I get the picture. I can see why you are mum-sing the word. I don't blame you. Just please be careful.

I can understand him wanting u to go back to hospital for si but I don't understand not touching it. It itches like hell when it's healing. Jut thinking about it makes my skin itch. I've told T about most of my SI in the past but there's some I'll never bring up due to location and the scars are gone so I see no need to bother.

He means touching it as in messing with it with my fingers or picking at it. I messed with it while I was in the hospital out of frustration. Thankfully it doesn't itch!