[lenjan]

Please bear with me, I haven't posted in the forums in years. I'm bipolar and, they keep telling me, BPD (I don't buy that one) and I'm currently in the middle of a vicious depressive episode. I started cutting probably 15 years ago, off and on, and I always found it helpful -- it soothed my moods and made me feel better. Seeing the physical damage helped the emotional pain, for some reason.

And now? It's still the first thing I turn to when I feel horrible, except now it makes me feel *worse.* It makes me angry instead of calm. I don't know how to get around that. A lot of times I just go to bed, but ultimately that doesn't solve anything either.

Has anybody else run into this? How did/do you fix it?

Thanks.

[smmath]

Can you try to do something before you SI? I mean to say give yourself some time to cool off before you make the decision to harm yourself. Do you talk to anyone in real life about this?

[lenjan]

Originally Posted by smmath

Can you try to do something before you SI? I mean to say give yourself some time to cool off before you make the decision to harm yourself. Do you talk to anyone in real life about this?

I have a useless therapist who I only get to see every 2 weeks because her schedule is too tight to get me in any more than that. Otherwise, no -- unless I'm in the hospital and they sic one of the psych nurses on me for a long chat.

[smmath]

Do you think writing about why you want to SI would help you at all? Sometimes I like to write things down, or message someone what I am feeling when I want to hurt myself.

[lenjan]

Thanks. That might work. I was a journalist before I landed on disability, so it would make sense. I'll give it a try.

[smmath]

Good. Let us know how it goes.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( lenjan ))))))))

[lenjan]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

(((((((( lenjan ))))))))

Thanks, Fuzzness.

I found a new therapist, and she lets me call her on her cell (within reason -- not at 3 a.m. :-) if I'm struggling with the urge to cut so she can talk me out of it. We've also talked about other ways to get around it, none of which I've tried yet, but plan to. Hope it helps.

[celtic.starlite]

Originally Posted by lenjan

Thanks, Fuzzness.

I found a new therapist, and she lets me call her on her cell (within reason -- not at 3 a.m. :-) if I'm struggling with the urge to cut so she can talk me out of it. We've also talked about other ways to get around it, none of which I've tried yet, but plan to. Hope it helps.

I think this is great news! I hope you will find this T to be a better fit for you all around (already sounds like she is). Please share with us, if you want, what you find helpful as others of us may also find it helpful.

Take care of yourself,

Celtic

[staystrong4ever]

feel free to talk to me i am a recovering cutter and this is a hard rpblem

[lenjan]

Originally Posted by celtic.starlite

I think this is great news! I hope you will find this T to be a better fit for you all around (already sounds like she is). Please share with us, if you want, what you find helpful as others of us may also find it helpful.

Take care of yourself,

Celtic

Hi Celtic. My therapist gave me a block of memory form (you squeeze the hell out of it and it returns to its original shape), which has been really therapeutic. I just mash it into nothingness, as hard as I can, and it bounces back for me to mash again. Doing that a number of times in a row gets the stress out as well as cutting, I'm finding. I think anything squishy would do, if you don't have access to memory foam.

Another thing she suggested was holding an ice cube. It melts quickly, but the shock of the cold will (supposedly) talk you out of wanting to do any worse damage. I haven't tried this one yet, though. :-)

I think there were a couple other suggestions, but unfortunately I forgot to ask her to write them down, and my memory is impaired from almost a year of ECT. :-( (Don't ever let anyone do that to you. Bad news.)

Thanks for your kind reply. :-)

Candy

[celtic.starlite]

Hi Candy,

Those are good ideas. I am glad you are finding that at least one is working for you.
As for ECT, I am WAAAAYYYY too chicken to try that. If any T ever suggests it I will turn and run in the opposite direction of them.

Be Safe,
Celtic