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#1
May 20, 2014, 08:56 PM
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Two days of giving in, I feel like there is another part of this that I am just missing. A part of abuse.... I just don't know. I was talking with my T and I just seem to remember some abuse, and I just don't know anything, and am afraid to ask those that may know. I'm just frustrated with myself.
It almost seems like there is a multiple reasons why I give in but, I just can't seem to let those reasons out in full. I've admitted that part of it is out of boredom. I know that I have to put everything out there. and this is the safest place to do so besides with T, but that's just intimidating. My reasons: and not holding anything back. boredom Several levels of addiction, (SI, in place of Suicidal thoughts, Sexual) to kick out suicidal thoughts Self-abuse To feel pain, without scars Feeling like it's the one thing that I can control an escape from something inside me that I have a hard time identifying. I think this has been the hardest thing to see. Now it just seems like I need to talk about a few but, I'm just not ready yet. There is still things to talk about in therapy, but this is a start. Okay, I can do this, I can kick this multi-level addiction. I have too, because I don't know the damage that I have done to myself. This has to be the next thing to focus on. |
 Anonymous100108, Fuzzybear, pegasus, ThisWayOut
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#2
May 21, 2014, 09:12 PM
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I finally opened up about some of my thoughts on what could have happened.... (possible child abuse). and I just want to...... I'll talk to my T on Tuesday.... Until then I will keep talking, and keep going.
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| ThisWayOut
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#3
May 22, 2014, 07:33 AM
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hang in there puzz..
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#4
May 22, 2014, 11:53 AM
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 Puzzclar
__________________
Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin "Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha  |
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#5
May 23, 2014, 02:30 PM
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Just too much going on. I keep wanting to SI. there's no escaping. It's all I want to do. Even if there is damage that I can't see. The question of the day is do I go see a Doc? Which that answer I do not know., since I just don't want to say how. all I want to do now is just scream and get it all out.... in hopes that will help.
I just don't know anymore.... but I should get something to eat... what I don't know. |
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#6
May 24, 2014, 12:24 AM
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I wrote out a good bye letter for si. And now the sui thoughts are back. I'm not sure how much more I can take. Then again I had to si just one more time... which makes me feel powerless tonight and in pain. Looks like I did some damage. In physical and emotional pain. ... and spiritual guilt. Why did this have to happen??? Why did I give in and now feel like giving up is the best thing to do?
Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk |
| ThisWayOut
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#7
May 24, 2014, 01:59 PM
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(hugs) I'm sorry it's so rough right now. Can you call T and get some additional support between sessions? Is there anything we can do to help ease things a bit? Can you write a goodbye letter to the sui thoughts? Would that help or hurt?
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#8
May 27, 2014, 06:59 PM
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That's an interesting idea. I talked with T today and the si came first and is linked to sui. Which is really hard to wrap my mind around. But I have work to think about.
Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk |
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