[Jane102]

So I'm trying to debate with myself whether or not I need to go into hospital.
I've had a six month long stay in one already, honestly it wasn't very good but it was kinda good. I had an abrupt discharge because I turned 18 so I kinda feel like I never got to finish my treatment there.
But that aside, now I'm really not doing well. I really struggle to get out of bed, I spend hours just to get out, when I finally do I usually go back to it in a couple of hours so I pretty much spend my day there. I've done nothing productive in so long.
The outpatient services here are a joke, I'm getting no therapy or help at all, I see a doctor once a month. All he does is give me a new prescription for my meds and sends me off again. I'm really struggling with this, I feel like I need the help.
I also need a break from my everyday life, I'm only 18 and I still live with my parents. I really don't get along with them. And it dosnt help that I'm struggling so much, we fight so much over me not doing like(like getting out of bed). They just don't seem to get it that I have no motivation for these type of things and I really can't handle it much more.
All of these things together are making me feel kinda suicidal. There's times when I have no problem with the thoughts and I'm safe but there's time when I lose control of them.
The reasons I'm not sure if I should go into one is, it's like a two hour drive to it. My parents hated it when I was in hospital last time and it was only an hours drive.
I promised my self I wouldn't go into hospital again, when I left my last one, I was actually in a good place and I made a pact never to go into one again and I really don't want to break it.
I'm not suicidal 100% of the time, this one is worrying me. See I'll have to say it to my doctor and my mum first and I don't want to tell my mum especially that I feel like I need to go into hospital and then when I'm assessed I'm told that I'm not like ill enough to stay in hospital(I'm really bad at expressing how I feel and have been misunderstood many times as to how bad I actually am)

Sorry that this is a super long post but thanks for reading.

[jacq10]

(((((((Jane))))))

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling so much right now. But I think you know yourself the best, and as such, you are really the best person to answer your question. What is your gut saying? If going to the hospital is something that you think would help you right now, and that there is no other way for you to get that help, then I think you have your answer. On the other hand, if you don't want to go back, are there any other resources that you haven't already tried that you could?

Keep us posted, and in the meantime, try to take good care of yourself.

[Hellion]

I mean no offense by this so forgive me if its not helpful, but I think perhaps you should throw that pact out the window...there is no shame in going to the hospital when you need help you can't possibly make a pact that you'll never need immediate help again...that is too much strain on yourself because it causes stress with you trying to force yourself to be 'ok' when you're not. Ive been in the psych ward twice and yeah its not like its great to have to go but a safer pact is probably that you wont hesitate to get yourself help when you're feeling unsafe.

Also if you are feeling like you might act on suicidal thoughts, they can't turn you away as far as I know...even if its hard to express yourself if you can at least mention concern about acting on suicidal thoughts they should admit you even if your not thinking of acting on it 100% of the time...but if you just say you're really depressed that is too vague. I understand not wanting to tell your mom, though your relationship with your mom might be worse than mine with my mom but I am always afraid she wont take it serious or will say the wrong thing...I mean if you really cant tell your mom you can always call 911, but ambulance bills are expensive so getting a ride would be cheaper. Is the only hospital you could go to two hours away or are there maybe closer ones?

Unfortunately though they tend to mostly focus on stabilization and getting you out, once you're 'safe' enough as in not suicidal...but you may also be able to get referrals to other programs afterwards. As for the situation with your parents maybe getting on disability if your condition is too bad for work(unless you're already on it) might be a good idea so you have some income and then depending on your area maybe you'd be able to move out...though I don't know if they have any lower income housing or anything like that in your area.