[Msboot]

I'm ashamed and embarrassed that I didn't start cutting until I was in my 40's. I had an eating disorder in my teens and was diagnosed with severe depression. Did anyone else start cutting later in life or am I the only weird one?

[Travelinglady]

Hello, msboot, and welcome to Psych Central! I'm sure there are other people who didn't start cutting until they were older. We'll have to see if any folks show up here who are in that category.

** Raises hand **

I did not start until I was 43 - 45 years old (sorry I honestly do not remember exactly when I started - my brain is mush). So I fully get what you are saying.

My therapists tells me that stuff that I have done all my life could be classified as self harm too (hair pulling, banging my head with my fist or banging it on walls, stuff like that).

BUT - I do not view head banging or hair pulling or even my cutting as real self harm. There is no permanent damage - so to me it is no big deal. My shrink disagrees.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Msboot, I wouldn't say it was weird. Cutting/SI can start at any age.
There's no immunity to it, no age/class/culture......anything........divide/barrier when it comes to SI. And nothing to say you should be "better", "older", "wiser".........than to do that. None of that comes into it.........when the pain, emptiness.........whatever it is for you.......reaches such a level that............
But at the very least here you don't have to feel ashamed and embarrassed.
If you could make the choice right here, right now NEVER to want to/need to/do it again you would, right?? But there's a bit more to it than that, yes??
So here you're going to find people who really understand, who can empathise with what you're going through, and really supportive people too. Including those who have already answered your thread!!
So hang with us, make yourself at home, and feel free to talk to us about what's going on for you whenever you're ready/whenever you want.............
And welcome to PC!!!
Alison

I used to SI when I was a teenager then quit for many years. I started again when I hit about 33. There was just too much stress in my life that I couldn't handle and remembered how much the SI helped when I was younger. I was ashamed that it started again, but it did help me at the time! I am now SI free again and I hope that someday you can be too. Message me if you ever need someone to talk to. I've got good ears!!

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by Msboot

I'm ashamed and embarrassed that I didn't start cutting until I was in my 40's. I had an eating disorder in my teens and was diagnosed with severe depression. Did anyone else start cutting later in life or am I the only weird one?

So...I am only 26 but I totally get where you are coming from. It wasn't later in "life" but later in my life. I never cut before college, where I cut once when I was about 19 and then never again until last year (age 25) when it hit full force. It isn't "older" but it is over that "average cusp". Also, now that i'm dealing with it as an adult - I really have a hard time feeling like people/resources even care. It seems everything is targeted to teens/adolescents and it does occasionally make be feel like i'm "too old" for this. Haven't found a solution yet - but I do want you to know you are not weird or alone. I also considered that many more adults do it than realized but they don't seek help (shame or lack of awareness of resources) or they just don't feel like its a problem or heck, maybe thats just what I want to believe. I don't know.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

First time I was about 17. Not again until I was about 30. After 4 long years I slowed it down. Maybe 5 times in the past 5 years. I dunno. I'm 43 now and my last time was 3 days ago. Almost today, but No!

Sent from me.

[TheWell]

I started at 13 but I'm 43 and struggle with it.
It's been a few months for me now though and I'm feeling pretty good about that.

[ifst5]

I think age is irrelevant. Life is difficult at all ages, thus reflected by the initiation of certain coping mechanisms. Whether it be self harm, drink, drugs whatever. I think popular opinion towards self harm doesn't help. It's not the reserve of teenagers on tumblr or the characters on whatever young adult show currently in demand. It's reached epidemic proportions. So you're far from alone. I just hope you can be one of the few who makes a choice in wanting something that actually works. Because self harm clearly doesn't. It's good at creating that illusion, of delaying any immediate and far worse action but like drinks and drugs it promises and lot and delivers very little. I think we deserve better than that. I wish you the best in finding your solution to this widespread problem

[SoupDragon]

l did SI as a teenager for a short time, then it returned again when l was 44. People do all sorts of things to change how they feel, alcohol, food, sex, exercise, drugs, SI is just another method of changing how we feel. It is harder coping as an older adult, all the government funded help appears to be aimed at younger people. Weird? You and me both then, plus many more on here.

Keep safe. Soup.