[silver_queen]

<font color=red>TRIGGERING!!!</font color=red>




In December I made about 8 cuts lengthways down each of my legs, from the knee down. They weren't deep but I can still see red lines where the cuts were. are the cuts still healing or are these scabs?

What dictates if a cut becomes a scab and heals, or a scar? I don't know. But I do know I have a permanent scar on my hand. I damaged it so badly. I used a knife and scraped the top of my hand, going through the skin, until it no longer hurt. I think that was in December too. That is definitely not recommended.

I didn't cut for long, I started in December and when I went into hospital beginning of February I couldn't cut then. But now I am out I still think about cutting, but when I try it, I am not motivated and stop as soon as it hurts. (I am not a person who feels pain after cutting. Every time I cut, it hurts.) Is this normal? Should I still be thinking about cutting and trying to do it? I am on antidepressants, I started Zoloft/Lustral beginning February, and I am now on 100mg.

silver_queen

[Rapunzel]

I still have the lines all over my leg from cuts I made, I guess mostly in October and Novermber. I was (mostly) not doing it after like the second week of November or December. Mine were not deep either, and they are still fading, but may be permanent - I don't know yet. I don't want mine to fade too much - if I can't see them I will probably have to make more. The scratches on my face from my fingernails last February faded to the point that you have to look really close and know what you are looking for in order to find them. I do have white lines down my arm that have been there for probably 4 or 5 years.

Generally, the scratches that I have done with fingernails do not make permanent scars, and usually are gone within 6 weeks at the most, often less than that (and I have to be pretty worked up to make significant scratches that way) while cuts with a blade stay much longer and some seem to be permanent (and I could do that kind out of the blue with no particular reason if I felt like it). I feel it but don't care.

It has been my experience that thoughts of cutting persist long after you stop doing it, sometimes even if you feel better and are not depressed (same goes for suicidal ideation - it takes a while to stop thinking about it after being past the crisis - could be several months), but thinking about it does not mean that you will do it. You might want to try to change your thoughts when you think about hurting yourself - find something else to think about instead, maybe a song or something that will take you to a better place.

There's no way for me to tell how your scars will change, but even if they are scars now they are probably still fading and will show up less and less even over several years.

<font color=orange>There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.

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[silver_queen]

<blockquote><font size=1>In reply to:</font><hr>

It has been my experience that thoughts of cutting persist long after you stop doing it, sometimes even if you feel better and are not depressed (same goes for suicidal ideation - it takes a while to stop thinking about it after being past the crisis - could be several months), but thinking about it does not mean that you will do it.

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Oh good! I entered myself into hospital because I knew I was going to kill myself, and I do still think of it, even though I don't want to die any more. It def makes me more relieved. Thanks!

[Zenobia]

I am glad Repunzel's reply gave you some relief. Always remember, just because you think it doesn't mean you have to do it. As far as how long does it take the cuts to heal, it took almost a year for the cuts on my legs to stop looking that odd purple color. *Zen looks at her leg* hmm when my legs are as hairy as they are now you can't even see it. Ha ha.

I won't go into any other because I don't feel it would be appropriate to list healing times, kinda like giving each other better ideas of where to cut, if you know what I mean. This is a line of conversation that is best avoided.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft