don't want to fight anymore.... TRIGGER WARNING

The black hole is simply that, b.l.a.c.k. There are no flowers, no pretty colors. It is dull. Sometimes the red from a cut can help and sometimes it makes it worse.
Three new ones tonight.
Wanted much worse. It sucks to have been doing so well emotionally, feeling motivated, and good, then in the matter of two hours be sucked so far down the black hole that it seems like there is no way out.
I've even considered calling the cops and reporting my dad because I know he won't go to jail (no hard proof of what he did to me), so in his rage of finding out I told, maybe he'd come shut me up for good, like he tried to Christmas Eve, when I was 16, but this time there wouldn't be anybody to stop him. Let him take me out. Let him win. Right now I want to be done fighting. I'm tired. I want to disappear.
If I could afford a hospital, I'd check in, but I can't afford one, so I fight the battle alone.

((((Celtic))))

Hi Celtic, we've already PM'd but just wanted to send you hugs on this

Alison

Oh my goodness this sounds awful for you. I am here for you, please please hang on there. You can do it. Can you talk to a professional? Therapist? Stay at a friends?

My current T is camping this weekend and I see her on Tuesday for our last session... she most likely wouldn't get an email until Monday if I sent her one and since I won't be seeing her after Tuesday, what's the point of even trying to tell her?
I no longer have any friends.
Thanks for the suggestions though.

I'm not in a place where I can make useful suggestions, but I'm sending hugs! You're not alone, ok? We pc people may not be "friends", but we're here for each other and we know how it feels. Hang on in there!