[Irine]

i know few reasons for SI
self hatred
1.when you want attenssion
2.people who want to be disable (i don`t know if any1 3.heard of such a disorder but i was told there is.)

what other reasons can you recall?

[InACorner]

To be honest sweety, both reasons arent really reasons at all, unless i am not understanding your post. Actually it has been proven that most SI cases, including myself, arent self injuring for attention. It has taken me years to perfect this form of mutilation however I do it perfectly enough for people to not know and see me in a bathing suit. Thats not really the point though, Self injuries dont always want attention, in fact thats why alot of us keep it a secert, we dont want attention. We dont want people to know we hurt ourselves, how little we think of ourselves. Though thinking we want attention, i must admit, is a common misconception. As for the people who want to be disabled im not sure about that, i have never heard of that. hmm..well i dont see why anyone would want to be disabled...Self Injury is like any harmful addiction. It is a painfiul cycle in our lives that does not go away fully. I cannot speak for anyone but myself, I know i cant give up SI cold turkey, even though i want to, it kills me my BF is afraid to have an intimate relationship with because he is afraid of what he might see. I hurts me when i have to recover myself after i do it. If i wanted attention i would TRY and cut myself in public, waiting for someone to stop me. Most people do it within closed doors, by themselves, and hide it as best they can. I dont want to live this life of lying to my bf whether or not i did it. I dont want to accept the fact i will never wear a bikini, I dont want to accept the fact that i will never ever be comfortable naked ever again because whether or not anyone sees those scars, I will. And that is the price I pay. As for reasons, there are many individual reasons, not so much a common reason. Yes self hatred could be one, dealing with surpressed emotions like rage, sadness. The inability to cope with change, with their environment. Id suggest googling Self Injury. I did that at one point in time. I found great stuff...including the address for this website, so it cant be that bad. There are so many websites that give education on Self injury i suggest you look at them.. That way the more you share these websites at google the more education you can spread. That way people dont get confused about the real reasons why people Self Injure. Good luck, and take care, pm me if you have any questions or just need advice or someone to talk to.

[Irine]

thank you so much for the post!

it` s very different for everyone.
the disable thing-i was told about it i haven` heard.

somepeople hurt themselves and WHEN they do it they don`t think of attention-but it is very sobconcious becasue then they go tell a good friend.

i posted the quesiton...
well i think that by now info on this site will be enough for me
becasue when i read and talk about it for a long time i feel my skin stinging.....i don`t need it!
but thanks for the advice anyway.

[ickydog2006]

1.To feel pain on the outside instead of the inside
2.To cope with feelings
3.To express anger towards themselves
4.To feel alive and real
5.To feel the rush
6.To help with focus and concentration
6. And yes, sometimes for attention, but that is usually only for seeking help when they don't know things are wrong and they don't feel right but they don't know how to make others understand or how else to get help.

And unlike an apparent misconception, most of us don't go instantly tell our best friend. We hide it, and hide it, and hide it some more, until we finally feel like we are going to burst under the strain of our secret shame so we tell our best friend who we think we can confide in and who might be able to help us get under control. Then we often get to watch the relationship disintegrate as they let all of there ignorance show, leave us because they think the problem will go away or because they can't handle it, or because they think it is attention seeking and if they ignore it we will eventually stop doing it.

Hope that helps you understand a little better

[InACorner]

amen to the last part definitly ickydog...

[jacq10]

well said ickydog ... in every aspect.

[Talulah]

Arghhhhhh, I agree with InACorner, some research might give you better insight into this problem and all the misconceptions around it.

Soooooooo many, tooo many reasons exist for why. Everybody has their own set. Their own personal pain and story behind the development of how/why they SI. Often we haven't learned the appropriate coping mechanisms in EARLY childhood. It's not like a scientific study can be done, the answer found then *poof* we get a new drug or treatment or "cure". The reasons are intricate, personal, scary, painful, intimate, intimidating, haunting, controlling and on and on.........

Assumptions are ignorance. Ignorance fuels negativity and we are here to help eachother and support eachother because many find us "weird", "crazy", wanting "attention".

We want to be understood, and we want to get better, we are puzzled by this SI we are stricken with and its not so easy to assign reasons without careful consideration.

Knowledge is for those that aren't afraid. There are great websites out there, find them, read people's stories and you may find your answers.

[Rapunzel]

Some of the top reasons for me are:

Because it is easier to manage physical pain on the outside than emotional pain on the inside. People who SI have not learned better and more effective ways to cope with difficult, painful, and overwhelming emotions. You can hold them in for so long before they have to go somewhere.

To keep from doing something worse, like hurting someone else, or suicide, or more harmful self-destructive behaviors (could be substance abuse, eating disorder, gambling, worse SI than what was done, ...). When emotions have been held inside for a long time, they reach a point where they just explode, and that is really scary. I would say that most self-injurers do not want to take out their anger on other people, especially people they love, and they are afraid of what they might do, so they hurt themselves so that the feelings have someplace to go.

To have control of something. When you feel out of control, or have not been given the opportunity to be in control of your own life, you look for anything that you can do that you can control. Especially when someone else has hurt you and you couldn't do anything about it. This is something that we are in charge of. We can choose how much, when, where, and how we hurt.

To prove that our feelings are real. Every self-injurer probably has a history of having their feelings invalidated by someone they cared about. With a lot of emotional invalidation, we start to question our own feelings. Maybe they are right, and I don't really feel the way that I do, or have any legitimate cause for all this anger. If we can see it, then it must exist. This can be proof for ourselves or proof for someone who tells us we are just being a baby or selfish or blowing things out of proportion. Even if what we want is to prove the validity and existance of our feelings to someone else, we might not ever actually show it to them or tell them about it.

To get help. What is so bad about wanting attention, anyway? Attention is a legitimate human need. It is okay to ask for attention. To self-injurers, though, it probably doesn't feel okay to ask. We feel like we are not allowed to need anything. Sometimes SI is a cry for help. And that might be a better way to word it. I can't speak for everyone, but my SI did escalate when I passed the point of what I could deal with (or avoid dealing with) and manage on my own, and I wasn't getting enough help, and didn't feel like anyone took me seriously if I said anything about it. SI was proof that I really did hurt and that I needed help. This is sometimes a little bit similar to Munchausen's, where people make themselves have symptoms of serious illnesses so that they can go to doctors and be treated.

And of course there are many more reasons, as each self-injurer has his or her own. We might have some reasons in common, and others might be unique.

Rap

[Irine]

yeah...

all you sad guys is true.

eh, rapuzel didn`t know you were into that as well....
i hope you`r feeling fine these days....

thanks of shairng the experiance.
the reason why i posted this is becasue if there is no reason there is no need!
and i know that what we need is to WORK on it...
it seems to me the treatment is eliminating SI gradually and taking care of the rason-am i right?

[Rapunzel]

Right. Everything that people do has some purpose behind it, and it must be serving that purpose somehow to be worth keeping it up evenwhen it causes other problems. Treatment needs to address the underlying reasons behind SI. If the needs aren't met, SI will most likely either continue or return, or be replaced with another destructive coping method.

I'm doing much better these days than I used to. Thanks for asking. I still have struggles, but things do get better. I wish you well also.

Rap

[Irine]

thanks Rap

[Fuzzybear]

[Irine]

ho by the way if you have the dendancy to SI then you bad socialy influence can make you do that.
i know it from life experiance. not much just 1 person that says "yeah i know. it`s fun"

[Talulah]

Sorry, what?

[Irine]

i`ll PM you about that

[sujunew]

for myself, i had not even heard of SI until a year after i started cutting, and 12 years after I first really started hurting myself. Even now it is something that is NEVER talked about anywhere in our country as far as i know and something that i am guessing the majority of the country knows nothing about. So certainly for ME social influences had nothing to do with my behaviours, and especially not at the age of 6 living in a very sheltered, 'the word 'mental' is taboo' family...

[Irine]

i odn`t say it`s the main. and it`s diferrent of couse to every1. and his or her fate...