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#1
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"Your mind is your greatest asset". I've been told that essentially and literally my entire life. I'm supposed to be brilliant. But my life is cursed by the eternal and inevitable idea that nothing I could ever do would ever matter. It'll all go away and be forgotten, including by me. I'll die and be gone.
I've tried being a good Christian. But I can never convince myself that any of it is true. Why shouldn't I drink myself to death? At least I can die drunk and by my own volition. I need help. I don't want to not exist. I'm terrified out of my mind. |
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#2
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Hello SoulUnderGuillotine: I am sorry you are struggling. Personally I have no religion. I accept the explanation for the existence of life on earth provided by the theory of evolution. So I have similar thoughts to those you wrote about in this Thread. Plus, I'm old. So in addition to feeling like nothing really matters, I also know I have little if any time remaining to accomplish anything useful. This is a "double-edged sword", so to speak. On the one hand it's aggravating to know I've allowed an entire lifetime to slip away without accomplishing anything. On the other hand, it's comforting to know that, at this point, there's really nothing I can do about it; so I can just let it go & not perseverate over it.
I do think though, that we never really know for sure if we've done something beneficial or not. Most of us may not accomplish anything that will get us into the history books. But we may well play a crucial role in one or more persons lives; and we may not even know it. There is an author named Parker J. Palmer. He is a Quaker. He writes, from a non- religious perspective, about healing from emotional turmoil. The techniques he employs are nonsectarian adaptations of methods the Quakers have used for 400 years. Anyway, the point here is: Palmer asserts that no one can ever heal another person. Human beings' emotional lives & thought processes are simply too complex. All one can do is to stand at the perimeter of another person's being & be present to provide support. So, with this thought in mind, I can't tell you why you shouldn't drink yourself to death or how to find a reason to live despite feeling as though life is meaningless. I can suggest you see a therapist, if you don't already have one. But you're no doubt aware of that as an option already. Ultimately you must find a way to heal yourself from within. And, as you hopefully do so, let us here on PC stand at the perimeter of your being & be present to provide you with the support you need to accomplish this great challenge. I wish you all the best. ![]() |
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