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#1
Dec 30, 2014, 02:37 AM
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I'm still fighting to regain strength after hip surgery 8.5 weeks ago. I am in pain 24/7.
I've had more pain than I can handle and I am constantly having urges to cut. What the hell is wrong with me that I am tired of pain, so I want to cause myself more pain? I am such a messed up crazy person... |
 kaliope, unaluna
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#2
Dec 30, 2014, 01:33 PM
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It makes sense to me. Maybe you want pain you can control. Hugs
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#3
Dec 30, 2014, 01:35 PM
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it is not crazy. you have pain you cant control so you are just trying to find a way to control your pain. sounds pretty rational to me. take care. i hope it gets better soon.
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#4
Dec 30, 2014, 04:15 PM
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how are you doing since you posted this
did you manage to distract yourself or something |
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#5
Dec 30, 2014, 10:09 PM
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It makes sense. Cutting releases so many 'feel good' hormones.
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#6
Dec 31, 2014, 02:50 AM
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TW_I did/do that too. I have bad back problems from car accidents and I have been cutting for years, even before that but it got worse when my back problems arose. For me, it was something to distract me from the pain I was caused, I cut deeper, till it was numb, and it is the only time I felt less pain. I also felt a sense of control. I couldn't control my back pain, or my emotional pain from bullying, and I felt like everyone else took turns hurting me, from the people that caused the car accidents, to the bullies, I felt power by being the one causing pain, I felt in control of my pain. I still struggle with pain in my back every day. I had surgery too at 15, and I'm 22 now, and it caused some of my discs to get worse, degenerating even, and my tailbone being broken and fused itself in a weird, bent position. My restless legs and pain cause me to be up late at night and it's very easy to cut if I feel inclined. I haven't cut in about a month, but I have urges every day and mostly nights, and I'm scared of myself, because after a long stretch of no cutting, comes a really bad cutting session when I finally give in. I wasn't aware others cut because of the PHYSICAL pain they feel also. It's sad to say, because I wouldn't want anyone else to go through this, but it feels better knowing I'm not the only one. Thanks for sharing, and I hope you can find a way out of that cycle of pain. Good luck. Happy New Year :-)
Last edited by FooZe; Dec 31, 2014 at 03:56 AM. Reason: added trigger icon |
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