[Chitanda89]

Hello everyone,

I have an event coming up that requires me to wear a uniform that has very short sleeves, so I cannot hide my recent cuts that are on the lower part of my shoulder.

I am considering putting a large bandage on them, but I think people will still ask what happened to my arm.

I haven't told anyone about my recent SI, as I do not feel ready to do so. However, some people do know about my past experience with SI, so they will definitely suspect that SI might be the cause. What should I say if people ask about the bandage?

I have caused a lot of pain to my loved ones in the past due to my SI, so I don't want them to go through it again. However, a part of me realizes that I will have to eventually tell someone about my struggles.

Thanks in advance,

Chitanda.

[CANDC]

Chitanda, thank you for posting on psych central.

What about asking for permission to wear a longer shirt, maybe a short sleeve shirt to the mid arms?

If none of that, what about going to a make up artist. They usually have coverup (probably not if it is an open wound but you could ask) that would be skin color.

[ifst5]

I understand. The tops of arms are often picked as places for self harm due to the fact they can be more easily hidden when required. As others already know about your experiences with self harm i agree that a more suitable excuse for a bandage could avert suspicion.

What accidents could affect the upper arms...i don't know if you have longish hair but maybe you could say you had previously used a heat styler which got caught and slipped out of your hand thereby contacting the tops of your arm on it's way down? There's no need to be as elaborate as that of course, i was just trying to demonstrate the logic. Yes burning is also a method of self harm but i assume not your regular sort? If so that could well be easier to explain away...pay mind to appearances as well as explanations though. The placement of the bandage, for example, is important.

I feel that as long as an excuse is more in line with personal circumstances, the greater the likelihood it will be believed.

I worry with writing stuff like this - i want to provide practical support but not encourage either you or anyone else to become more studious in the art of manipulation. But you state you're aware that a better solution must be found eventually - that gives me greater confidence. If what i've said hasn't been helpful and it spurs you on to a different line of thought altogether - i hope at least its a better one. All the best.

[Chitanda89]

Originally Posted by CANDC

Chitanda, thank you for posting on psych central.

What about asking for permission to wear a longer shirt, maybe a short sleeve shirt to the mid arms?

If none of that, what about going to a make up artist. They usually have coverup (probably not if it is an open wound but you could ask) that would be skin color.

CANDC, thank you for responding.

I do have an event tomorrow that may allow for more leniency in regards to the uniform (casual wear: t-shirt and black pants!), but the other event after that requires me to wear my school's dress :/ (no long-sleeved versions).

As for the second option, I wish I could use makeup (I love makeup ) but I'd have to ask my parents for a ride -> suspicion. Along with that, my SI has been quite recent, so I don't think it can be hidden easily by makeup.

Thank you for your suggestions! I will definitely ask my teacher if I can wear long-sleeves tomorrow. It is pretty cold anyway.

[Chitanda89]

Originally Posted by ifst5

I understand. The tops of arms are often picked as places for self harm due to the fact they can be more easily hidden when required. As others already know about your experiences with self harm i agree that a more suitable excuse for a bandage could avert suspicion.

What accidents could affect the upper arms...i don't know if you have longish hair but maybe you could say you had previously used a heat styler which got caught and slipped out of your hand thereby contacting the tops of your arm on it's way down? There's no need to be as elaborate as that of course, i was just trying to demonstrate the logic. Yes burning is also a method of self harm but i assume not your regular sort? If so that could well be easier to explain away...pay mind to appearances as well as explanations though. The placement of the bandage, for example, is important.

I feel that as long as an excuse is more in line with personal circumstances, the greater the likelihood it will be believed.

I worry with writing stuff like this - i want to provide practical support but not encourage either you or anyone else to become more studious in the art of manipulation. But you state you're aware that a better solution must be found eventually - that gives me greater confidence. If what i've said hasn't been helpful and it spurs you on to a different line of thought altogether - i hope at least its a better one. All the best.

Hi ifst5!

I think I can use my eczema as an excuse if need be. I do tend to scratch that part of my arm.

And I understand your concern. I have never outright lied to my friends about the causes of my cuts before because I usually just hide them (which, I suppose, is sort of lying in a way). I am worried that I will probably feel guilty and lonely if I do try to deceive my loved ones.

I suppose I should at least not lie to those close to me, but I wonder about the people who are not close friends. I don't want them to view me in a completely different light if they found out, and I don't want rumors to be spread about my SI.

Argh this post is already long enough, so I shall stop chatting. I will continue my musings in my head XD.

Thank you for your kinds wishes and advice. I will keep your words in mind.

[ifst5]

Originally Posted by Chitanda89

Hi ifst5!

I think I can use my eczema as an excuse if need be. I do tend to scratch that part of my arm.

And I understand your concern. I have never outright lied to my friends about the causes of my cuts before because I usually just hide them (which, I suppose, is sort of lying in a way). I am worried that I will probably feel guilty and lonely if I do try to deceive my loved ones.

I suppose I should at least not lie to those close to me, but I wonder about the people who are not close friends. I don't want them to view me in a completely different light if they found out, and I don't want rumors to be spread about my SI.

Argh this post is already long enough, so I shall stop chatting. I will continue my musings in my head XD.

Thank you for your kinds wishes and advice. I will keep your words in mind.

You're most welcome.

Self harm can generate much conflict - self condemnation vs. self justification. And when there's no one to talk too about such intimate matters we can suffer terribly.

Please don't feel that you have to stop chatting - PC is about supporting ourselves and others towards personal growth. I hope you'll be with us long enough to reap the benefits of that. On here and elsewhere we slip up and confuse our words/intentions. But i'd like to share this quote; “It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.” ― Theodore Roosevelt.

I continue to wish you the best.

[seesaw]

Do you have a cat or a dog? You could just say that you got scratched while playing. Hate to blame it on the family pet, but people probably wouldn't blink an eye at that.

I'm with Ifst that I'm reticent to give out excuses to hide self harm, but honestly, what I have found is that if I just say, I had an accident and brush it off, people tend to accept that and leave it be. Most people don't want to think of the darker possible causes anyhow, so they're eager to accept the easy excuse.

Thinking about having to hide cuts and scars is one of the things that helps me not self-harm. So maybe this will help motivate you when you feel like SI next time, that you will have to find ANOTHER excuse. It does get tiring.

I hope this helps.

Seesaw

[Chitanda89]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Do you have a cat or a dog? You could just say that you got scratched while playing. Hate to blame it on the family pet, but people probably wouldn't blink an eye at that.

I'm with Ifst that I'm reticent to give out excuses to hide self harm, but honestly, what I have found is that if I just say, I had an accident and brush it off, people tend to accept that and leave it be. Most people don't want to think of the darker possible causes anyhow, so they're eager to accept the easy excuse.

Thinking about having to hide cuts and scars is one of the things that helps me not self-harm. So maybe this will help motivate you when you feel like SI next time, that you will have to find ANOTHER excuse. It does get tiring.

I hope this helps.

Seesaw

Hey Seesaw!

I read your reply a few days ago, but I wanted to wait until after the event to respond.

As it turns out, no one asked about it.

Before I put on the bandages today (the day of the event), I thought I would need two large bandages (which I thought would be very noticeable), but I only needed one and a tiny one. Not only that, the bandages were skin colored, so they were not that obvious.

I wore my jacket as long as I could, and when I took it off I covered my arm when possible. I was especially furtive when I was near my friends.

So in the end, it was not as prominent as I thought it would be, and I succeeded in what I originally wanted: to hide my recent SI from my loved ones.

However, I feel quite lonely and sad, for no one knows. I think some of them might have seen it, but it didn't look very serious so they didn't comment.

It's one of those "I told you so" scenarios. But I was originally very worried that at least one of my loved ones would find out, for I wanted today to be a happy day. Thus, I worked hard in trying to hide it, even asking for suggestions on Psych Central and googling how to hide SI.

I think I will wait for the opportune moment to tell someone. It will probably be when the loneliness becomes unbearable and when the cuts look less serious (less scary). Like you said Seesaw, hiding SI is tiring, and I am growing weary of constantly wearing long-sleeves when I'm sweltering, avoiding pulling my sleeves up too high when I wash my hands, thinking about what events I have coming up that require me to wear shorter sleeves, and telling my friends that I'm okay when I'm really not.

Thank you so much everyone for your suggestions and concerns . It means a lot to me, and I will keep your kind words in mind when I feel the urges.

[starann]

Hi there,

I just picked up on your conversation this evening. I'm glad the event you mentioned went ok and you managed to hide the marks you felt you needed to hide.

SI is such a difficult thing to explain to others and, like you, I feel sad for my loved ones who have to take on board my injuries. This is a relatively new thing for me, born out of many different issues. I don't feel ready to stop and don't deserve to. It feels like everything is as close as possible to being as it should be after I have done it.

I hope you keep well and safe.

Starann x

[Just keep swimming]

I'm glad the event worked out fine for you. And please chat whenever you feel like it. You're right about it being lonely when we feel like we can't let people know what's going on with us. It's really hard to let people I'm close to know when I'm having a hard time. I hesitated telling my closest friend. And even though I hate when I think she's checking or when she asks me if I'm self injuring, I've been grateful when I was having a hard time functioning and I could ask her for help.

[Chitanda89]

Originally Posted by starann

Hi there,

I just picked up on your conversation this evening. I'm glad the event you mentioned went ok and you managed to hide the marks you felt you needed to hide.

SI is such a difficult thing to explain to others and, like you, I feel sad for my loved ones who have to take on board my injuries. This is a relatively new thing for me, born out of many different issues. I don't feel ready to stop and don't deserve to. It feels like everything is as close as possible to being as it should be after I have done it.

I hope you keep well and safe.

Starann x

Thank you for the well wishes. I feel like you described how you feel and how I feel very eloquently. Sending you warm thoughts!

[Chitanda89]

Originally Posted by Just keep swimming

I'm glad the event worked out fine for you. And please chat whenever you feel like it. You're right about it being lonely when we feel like we can't let people know what's going on with us. It's really hard to let people I'm close to know when I'm having a hard time. I hesitated telling my closest friend. And even though I hate when I think she's checking or when she asks me if I'm self injuring, I've been grateful when I was having a hard time functioning and I could ask her for help.

I appreciate your offer, and I see what you are saying. It is good to know that you have a friend you can go to when you need help.

I refuse to lie to people because lying makes me feel very guilty. So I usually avoid answering - say it was an accident or that I was being clumsy. The excuses are technically correct - surviving was an accident. It certainly wasn't intentional.

My scars are on my wrists and my throat.