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I gave my friend my last blade yesterday.. I know it's good and all that I dont have it but I don't want to stop hurting myself. I want it back. Especially tonight.. Ugh.. I deserve to feel the pain I feel when I cut... I deserve it.

Chat with your friend about your worries. Reaching out can be very difficult. Kudos for speaking up on this forum! In my case, cutting seemed to alleviate the feelings. I remember my focus on angling the blade correctly served as a distraction. Ultimately, it didn't help in the slightest.

I am sorry if my words have no effect or make you feel worse. Typing this has distracted me from my own thoughts. Tell us a bit more about yourself if you're comfortable

I'm glad you were able to give your blade to your friend.
Do you have something else that helps you cope? It's difficult to walk away from somethign when it's the only thing you have that works at the moment... keep reaching out. Also, if you don;t yet have a therapist, finding one might be helpful.
Keep reaching out.

Hi HolographicTardis, hey really well done on giving your friend your last blade!!! That really was a massive step!!!
And of course you don't "want to" stop hurting yourself (maybe you want to not "need" to though??)
Afterall it's been a big coping mechanism for you, when you've had no others, right?? It's something familiar/something you know/something that's worked/something you can depend/rely on..........and **** can it be addictive???!!!
But, you do not deserve it!!!
So now........all you can do to find something to replace it, hey?? Nothing (unharmful!!) is going to automatically take it's place but........something to replace it however much for now, hey??
Lots of tips on things that can help on here e.g. rubber bands, ice, distractions, exercise...........but it can be as much about finding some things that can help you, if only a little.
Maybe there are specific times when you feel the urges the strongest too?? e.g. when you're on your own, particular times of the day, after/before certain events..........although I know they can come anytime and out of nowhere when you try to stop............maybe at those particular times you can be doing something specific to try to override them a bit e.g. scheduling in to go out, do an activity...............???
And you know, maybe it will help you to talk about some of the things you might be struggling with, that might have been leading you to cutting???
But try to hang in there..........talk to us if it helps........and remember: You don't deserve it!!!!

Alison

It's wonder that you gave your friend the blades. I think deep down you want to heal but going so is a tough process. Here's some crisis lines if you need extra help.
Lifeline
Someone To Talk To, Online Therapy, Free Anonymous Chat - 7 Cups of Tea
https://www.imalive.org/

you don't deserve it at all. take care

You deserve a happy life...